mentorship

Today’s blog is a Guest Post from Regi Campbell. Regi is an entrepreneur, CEO, investor and an author. But his passion is mentoring and enlisting older, wiser mentors to focus on intentional relationships with younger men. I know you will enjoy Regi’s words as much as I do!

Six Reasons Mentors Tell “Failure” Stories

I’m a leader. Not bragging. Didn’t really set out to be. But through fifteen startup companies, five CEO jobs, a couple of church starts and a few other ministry launches, I’ve been cast as a leader. Years ago (thirteen to be exact), I bought into the idea that more time with fewer people yielded greater impact. I got that principle from Tim Elmore, a man I love and deeply respect. I began mentoring eight young leaders each year, spending three hours each month pouring what I’ve learned, i.e. ‘what’s in my cup’… into theirs.

I sometimes do this by telling stories. And I’ve noticed how much more intensely young people listen to the stories of my failures than those of my successes.

Why are mentees drawn to failure stories over victory laps?

1. Authentic -  When I talk about winning “High Technology Entrepreneur of the Year”, I sound like everyone else. But when I tell them about having an MBA at 35 years-old, but making a naive decision about how to expand my company and burning through all my cash, that sounds different. They want to hear more…what I did wrong, what I learned, what I would do different next time. They can’t get that kind of information anywhere else. And because they see me as real and authentic, they’ll listen and learn other stuff from me too.

2. Approachable – If you feel like you’re around perfection, you’re going to be quiet. Walk softly. Project yourself to be as close to perfect as you can. But when a mentor demonstrates humility by sharing his failures, he’s more approachable. More accessible. And more helpful.

3. Emotional – All decisions are made at an emotional level. I believe the most meaningful learning happens when emotions are engaged. Hearing and feeling the pain, embarrassment, or remorse of a situation gone bad brings the mentee into the mentor’s circle. Hearing about a mentor’s passionate resolve to recover and learn from mistakes can galvanize a younger leader’s penchant to ‘go for it’, even if ‘it’ fails.

4. Valuable – Sometimes, it looks like good leaders find success effortlessly. It seems to come cheap. But the lessons learned through mistakes and failure are expensive. They take the skin off. Leave a mark. Young people know the value of lessons learned from painful experiences. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience come from mistakes. Mistakes are costly, thus valuable. 

5. Believable – We can spin the stories of our success to a level no one can believe. They don’t see how they could ever get to where we are or emulate what we’ve done. But when leaders share their failures, their successes become more believable. More doable for younger leaders. The ‘cookies’ appear to be on the bottom shelf where they can be reached by mere mortals…like them.

6. Challenging – When a young person sees a leader he looks up to share his failures and shortcomings, he may start to believe in himself. “If he can succeed, I know I can”. He sees his own potential. He sees the chance to stand on the shoulders of one who’s gone where he wants to go.

If you’re a mentor, open up. Loosen up. True strength is revealed in vulnerability, so tell your mentees where you’ve screwed up. Let them learn from your mistakes. They’ll make others, but at least they won’t make the same one’s you made.

If you’re a young leader, press your mentor. Give him a “C’mon man!” Make him take you to the biggest mistakes he’s made and share what he’s learned. Don’t let him off the hook. Force him to get real with you. You’ll both be better for it. 

Regi’s track for mentoring men in small groups can be found at www.radicalmentoring.com. You can also follow Regi on twitter @radicalmentor.   

 

The Pot and the Kettle

May 20, 2013 — 1 Comment

Thought

You probably heard the report on the news. The U.S. Air Force released an official statement last week: Lt. Col. Jeff Krusinski was charged with sexual battery in Arlington, Virginia. The case is currently under investigation. He has been removed from his position as the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response branch chief pending the outcome of the current investigation. Did you catch that?

An Air Force officer tasked with sexual assault prevention has been arrested and charged with sexual battery this weekend, accused of attacking a woman in a suburban Virginia parking lot Sunday morning.

What is it that makes us so prone to fail at the very thing we try to help others avoid or overcome? Have you noticed this? Leaders, including myself, can be vulnerable to submit to temptation, moral failure and even crimes…and not just any crimes or failures…but ones that revolve around an area we’ve studied, experienced, focused on and become preoccupied with. So strange.

Although it is believed to be under-reported, the Defense Department estimates approximately 19,000 cases of sexual abuse occur in the military each year.

My reminder for you today? Beware if your job focuses on fighting against something negative and doesn’t include fighting for something positive and redemptive. What we focus on will sure get our attention and eventually move us to action. Dr. Hans Selye wrote about this issue years ago. We all have a Reticular Activating System, in the back of our brains. Our R.A.S. has one primary function: to cause us to move in the direction of the dominant thought of the moment.

So here are my questions:

What’s dominating your thought life?

Are you fighting against a wrong, or are you preoccupied with something good to replace it?

 

By this time of spring, most schools have selected their student government, resident advisors, club leaders, and peer mentors for next school year. My big question is—could they use some help getting ready?

At Growing Leaders, we’ve decided to post a helpful article each week continuing through the summer on our blog page, geared especially for student leaders. You can expect it on Fridays. They’ll contain practical tips for leading meetings, communicating a vision, choosing priorities, dealing with difficult peers, bossing your calendar, effective planning and more. You can find today’s tip below. If you like it, it’s our gift to you and your students. Feel free to copy it for each of your student leaders as a discussion guide that will equip them to be more healthy leaders. Also, click on “Free Resources” to view and download the growing library of Leader Tips on a special page of our site. This is a page just for young leaders to practice great leadership. Feel free to have your students look for it, all summer as they anticipate leading this fall. Enjoy.

ineffective-meeting 

How to Overcome Ineffective Meetings

Leadership is a tender balance between relationships and results. Relationships must come first, but merely experiencing friendships with your team may not result in any productivity. Good leaders understand how to leverage both to achieve a mission. Far too often, however, leaders and teams get bogged down in distractions, requests from others, too many options…and all of these lead to ineffective meetings. Teams experience activity without accomplishment in those meetings.

So what undermines effective meetings?

1. The meeting objectives are poorly defined. Leaders must put their objectives in print, clear and simple to understand: here is why we are meeting.

2. People are invited based on protocol not need. Good leaders invite those who can solve problems, not merely represent needs from the group.

3. Participants are not prepared for the meeting. Leaders should give team members material ahead of time so they are ready to discuss and act.

4. We often hold non-essential meetings. Good leaders know not to meet because of mere tradition. If they don’t have a good reason to meet, they cancel it.

5. The meetings last too long. Usually, the longer a meeting goes, the more attendees lose interest and creativity. Leaders must determine an appropriate time span.

6. The participants try to reach consensus on minor issues. Good leaders decide what’s worth “dying for.” They don’t waste time on unimportant issues.

7. The meeting is held in an atmosphere that’s not conducive for discussion. If the issues are sensitive, good leaders know not to meet in a loud or public place.

8. One person is allowed to dominate the meeting. Good leaders talk to dominant members prior to meetings, asking them to speak last and summarize the discussion.

9. The facilitator of the meeting is not a good leader. This should give you incentive to become a better leader each week.

10. No action or wrong action is taken after the meeting. Nothing kills the incentive of team members than seeing poor results after each time they meet.

An Agenda for an Effective Meeting

Sometimes, the agenda for a meeting hinders productivity. Team members get stuck.

If your goal is to actually get something done—not merely report what’s happened since the last meeting—you may want to try a different agenda. I have found that the order I lay out the items for discussion and action may help or hamper our progress.

Olen Hendricks suggests the following order of business for an effective meeting. Try this outline, and place each topic you want to cover under one of these categories.

I. INFORMATION ITEMS

The first category on the agenda includes issues that merely need to be reported on, announced, or communicated to the team. None require a vote. They’re information. They may be activities that happened since the last meeting, progress that took place or issues that require members to look at their calendars. By doing this first, you can set a passionate tone for the meeting by sharing good things that have occurred and you can schedule items on the calendar when attendees still have fresh energy.

II. ACTION ITEMS

This next category includes subjects that require action (a vote or an action by the participants) or, items that were discussed in past meetings under the “study item” portion of the agenda. These issues only become action items when they have been discussed and processed by team members who are now ready to take action. They have been given time and thoughtful consideration.

III. STUDY ITEMS

These issues are ones in which you want to brainstorm and “dream out loud” but they aren’t ready to be acted upon. They allow teams to talk without the pressure of voting or deciding what to do right away. In short, they deserve time and discussion before they become action items. That’s why you put them at the end of the agenda and give them as much time as possible for consideration. Once these issues have been discussed, they can be moved up to action items at a future meeting.

Comedian Milton Berle once described committees as a group of people who keep minutes and waste hours. Far too often, he’s right. Remember, when you form your team to meet with—you want to select people who are problem solvers, not nit-pickers or fault-finders. This is where good meetings begin.

Questions for Reflection

a. What have you failed to do to prepare team members for your meetings?

b. How do you view meetings: a place for discussion, ideas, critiquing or action?

c. Do you have the right people in the right places at your team meetings?

d. What is one important change you could make to improve your meetings?

coach-influence

Frosty Westering died not long ago. He lived a long life, born in 1927 and coached NCAA football for much of that time. But his life wasn’t merely long. It was full. Frosty really, really lived—and chose to invest his life into young men. He built men out of boys during their years in college. After reading about his life, I thought I’d summarize a handful of lessons I learned from the way he led those athletes:

1. He had fun with his team and had no pretentions.

Without shame or hesitation he coached a different way. Although he was a retired Marine, he had fun with his players. One time his team dared him to belly-flop into a California hotel pool and he complied—at age 75. He once took a running plunge into the mud during a sloppy game in Oregon. He actually enjoyed it when players pulled pranks on him and insisted his boys call him by his first name, “Frosty.”

2. He loved his players uniquely.

He loved his guys, in a healthy way and made no bones about it. Seasons would always begin with a three-day getaway, where players bonded, played games, (but not football), apologized for any shortcomings from the past season, and sang songs. Frosty would always remind them how much he cared for them as people, learning about their family background and future dreams. They actually acted like a family.

3. He helped his players see the big picture.

Sometimes, Frosty halted practice to have players spend five minutes gazing beyond the towering evergreens at Mount Rainier. At other times, he’d pause practice to have players go to other sporting events and cheer on fellow athletes at the school. He always halted two-a-day practices in the fall to have his players help the freshmen move into their dorms. All of this, he felt, helped them remember who they were.

4. He modeled selflessness for his guys.

An airline pilot wrote Frosty to thank him after a flight. Why? Because his team had flown on that flight and showed unusual respect to all the crew. They entertained everyone by clicking their seatbelts in unison, then lined up on the jetway to form a “go tunnel” high-fiving all the crew as they exited the plane. A janitor at an opposing school wrote the president saying Frosty’s team left the locker room in spotless condition, arranging the chairs impeccably. A note was left on the whiteboard wishing them a merry Christmas and that they would get some great time with family.

5. He sang with his players.

Freshmen players would stand on a chair during their first week together and sing their high school fight song or a round of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” Frosty had them singing all the time. He believed deeply in singing, before and after games, and whenever a moment reminded the team of a song—they’d sing it, pop songs, kids songs, Christmas songs, birthday songs, etc. Can you imagine opponents warming up before a game to singing on the other sideline, then losing to those singers? Why singing? Frosty believed when you sing, your consciousness is raised.

6. He taught his players to set their own standard.

Frosty had stern rules for his guys, including helping opposing players up from the field when his players knocked them down. After all, the privilege of playing football couldn’t occur without opponents. Eventually they set their own standards when they saw the influence of excellence. Troublemakers didn’t have to run sprints—because they felt that love motivated better than fear. Players needing discipline would receive what Frosty called “put ups” (instead of put downs). They got six a day.

7. He used athletics as a platform to teach life.

The bottom line? Frosty coached football to teach life. Practices, games, and every day were full of teachable moments he took advantage of. And lest you think he was some wimp, this former Marine Corps drill instructor coached 32 seasons at Pacific Lutheran without a losing record. He never mentioned playoffs to his team, but won four national titles and four runner-up finishes. He knew how to win at every level.

Do you lead your students with the big picture in mind?

empowering-students

Today’s blog is a Guest Post from Shane Jacques, from the National FFA.

In 1928, thirty-three farm boys gathered in Kansas City, Missouri to charter an organization that, 85 years later, is over 557,000 members strong. Today, the National FFA Organization remains committed to the individual student, providing a path to achievement in premier leadership, personal growth and career success via agricultural education. Now, the organization is expanding the nation’s view of “traditional” agriculture, finding new ways to infuse agriculture into the classroom.

The longest-running program in the 85-year history of our organization affords student leaders of the National FFA Organization the opportunity to travel to our nation’s capital each July for our annual State Presidents’ Conference. These students, most of whom are recent high school graduates, were equipped with carefully crafted talking points that made a strong case for continuing the federal funding that is the backbone for so many of our programs at the local level. It was a few years ago that we made a startling realization: we were depriving our state officers the opportunity to use their strengths to best serve our members.

The truth hit us hard. We had been putting so much time and effort into developing the message that we failed to see how ineffectively the message was being delivered. While our students are smart, articulate, and composed, they are hardly qualified to talk to legislators about the appropriation of federal funding. The more we came to terms with reality, the more we realized our students’ expertise lies in their ability to tell their own “FFA story.” After all, who better to speak to the impact of FFA, agricultural education, and career and technical education than the very students who feel the impact? Excited by this “a ha” moment, we began seeking resources to help our students tell their stories.

With timing as precise as a Swiss watch, Tim and his team released Habitudes for Communicators. As long-time partners of National FFA programming, Tim and others from the Growing Leaders team were attending our National In-service in Indianapolis when they gave the FFA World its first taste of the newly debuted images. As we learned more about “Windows and Mirrors,” “The Faded Flag,” and “House on Fire” in the context of effective communication, we couldn’t help but realize that these images and their underlying principles were exactly what we’d been looking for to help our students demonstrate the impact of our organization. As the fight for federal funding for public education gets even tougher, we know that we’re letting the stories of our students and their successes speak for themselves as we work to prepare leaders who will produce food, fuel and fiber for a growing planet.

–Shane Jacques, Education Specialist, National FFA Organization

Thanks for all you do Shane. Proud to partner with you as you cultivate leaders and communicators. You guys do it well.