Healthy relationships sustain us. We need them. The latest AARP poll tells us that the number one reason for people using social media is not business networking, or learning something—it’s keeping in touch with friends and family. Yet, sometimes we, as leaders, must walk away from toxic relationships. Here are the ones I believe leaders must end, with no guilty feelings:
The False Victim: Sooner or later people who identify as a victim will paint you as an oppressor. Victims always feel under attack by somebody; they want to be rescued. Believe it or not some people want to be victims so they don’t have to take responsibility for their lives.
The Narcissist: These people appear to be friends, but they’re really in love with themselves. They’re self-absorbed and are always talking about “me, myself and I.” They often fail to see the needs or importance of anyone else. It’s all about them.
The Chronic Downer: Like “Debbie Downer” from Saturday Night Live, these people always see the negative side of life; they are not happy, life is scarce and things are sure to go wrong. They seem to sap the fun out of almost any situation and they are critics of everything.
The Bully: Donald Miller says the quickest way to spot a bully is to notice what they laugh at. Bullies don’t laugh at themselves, they laugh at others. If someone makes fun of others but isn’t self deprecating, they’re not healthy. They manipulate people so they can look good.
The Underminer: These people are hard to spot at first. They’re nice to your face and seem to like you, but behind your back—they undermine your friendship. They gossip and backbite. In reality, they try to pit friends against friends so they look good. They’re two-faced.
The Flake: Sadly, these people may promise you everything, but fail to come through on their promises. They flake out on commitments, appointments, pledges and dates. Eventually, they lose the trust of others. No one can depend on them.
The Overly Religious: I love people who have a sincere, open and honest faith. They’re some of my favorite people. But when a person starts proof-texting using Bible verses to prove they’re right and others are wrong (even if it’s true) it’s unhealthy. They’re all about controlling others.