Recently, I spoke to teachers who said they’d each received notes or calls from former students, years after they graduated. The good news is, in every case, the young adult wanted to thank their instructor for a particular conversation, for a unique experience or for a class discussion that marked them. Permanently.
We all love getting such notes from former students.
What interests me is what they say in these notes. So, I began to track the kinds of remarks these former students made and what they were thankful for. In every case, it wasn’t so much the class subject or the textbook or even the personal applications (homework) assigned. It was something more than these.
The Four Seasons of a Student’s Life
Depending on what season of life they’re experiencing, young people pick up cues from their environment in different ways. Observation. Conversation. Participation. Based upon brain development and on environmental factors, a child takes shape under our noses, and we often don’t realize the impact of those factors at the time.
Have you ever asked the question: How are values or priorities transferred to students or young employees? Why do they adopt some big ideas and not others? Have you ever wondered who is most influential in your child’s life? Or, do you know why they embrace certain values that seem so different than the ones their mom and dad embraced? Values are being transferred all the time—negative and positive. We need to figure out how to get in on the game.
Years ago, Dr. Rick and Kathy Hicks wrote about this in their book, Boomers, Xers and Other Strangers. They talk about four distinct stages for how kids adopt their values growing up, and the authors position them in the four columns below. In different periods of life, kids develop in this way:
|Ages 1-7||Ages 8-13||Ages 14-20||Ages 21 and Up|
|Imprint by Observation||Modeling by Heroes||Socialization by Peers||Significant Emotional Events|
|Kids pattern after adults||Kids choose who they’ll emulate||Kids change via key relationships||Experiences challenge them to change|
How Students Grow and Learn
In their earliest years, students acquire values almost exclusively at home. During ages 1-7, they’re communicated through “imprint by observation.” Whatever Mom does is right. It becomes the norm. Children are too young to distinguish between an acceptable or an unacceptable value.
During ages 8-13, values are picked up from the model their heroes give them. They are now old enough to choose their heroes, and they tend to willfully emulate them, whether they are athletes, TV stars, friends, relatives or parents. This is the stage when Spiderman posters or Katy Perry pictures are hung in bedrooms.
By their teenage years, the method of value transfer is socialization by peers. At this point, the student begins to compare their values and style with their friends’ values and style, to see what works best. They notice how one friend’s curfew is midnight while theirs is eleven o’clock. Key peer relationships now play a vital role in values and behavior.
Finally, at about 20 years old, the student moves to an adult method of acquiring values. That method is significant emotional events. They are old enough for events to spark a change they want to make, even though they need follow up to make it permanent. Key events cause them to evaluate their values or enhance them.
Two Key Ingredients
You will notice that during their young adult years, people grow by engaging in two vehicles. Adolescents require a vital blend of these key ingredients: coaching relationships and catalytic events that challenge them. Consequently, we can see the crucial role of both “events” and “process” in their growth. Their growth will depend on the creation and wise use of both of the following:
1. Significant events
2. Safe environments
The first rule I suggest to adults who wish to invest in Generation iY, is to recognize the power of these two ingredients in their lives. I recommend you host events, then follow them up by forming communities for conversation and application of the topic revealed at the event. The event introduces the new idea you wish to convey, but the community environment is where the real life-change occurs. Far too often, we have depended solely upon some big conference, assembly or retreat to do all the work. We download a bunch of information and trust they understand it and will conform. For most young people, this just isn’t realistic. They need a process after the event:
|The Event||The Process|
|1. Encourages decisions||1. Encourages development|
|2. Motivates young people||2. Matures young people|
|3. Is a calendar issue||3. Is a consistency issue|
|4. Is usually about a big group||4. Is usually about a small group|
|5. Challenges young people||5. Changes young people|
|6. Becomes a catalyst||6. Becomes a culture|
|7. Is easy||7. Is difficult|
My question for you is—how well are you practicing these two elements in the four stages of your students’ lives? Are you hosting significant events and do you offer safe environments for them to talk? For ideas on development and the use of these two key ingredients, visit GrowingLeaders.com.
New Book: Marching Off the Map:
Inspire Students to Navigate a Brand New World
Our new book is now available for preorder! Leading today’s students often feels like being in a new country with old maps that don’t work. Understanding and connecting with the generation in this land is often times frustrating and draining. We need new strategies on how to march off our old maps and create new ones.
This new resource collates decades of research and experiences into one practical guide that helps adults:
- Inspire students to own their education and their future
- Lead students from an attitude of apathy to one of passion through metacognition
- Enable students to push back from the constant digital distractions and practice mindfulness
- Raise kids who make healthy progress, both emotionally and intellectually, through their teenage years
- Give students the tools to handle the complexities of an ever-changing world
- Understand and practically apply the latest research on Generation Z