Archives For Parenting

four-truths-about-students

Today, I thought I’d blog about four big ideas that govern our work with students.

The following statements summarize how we, at Growing Leaders, perceive the challenges of leading students, coaching athletes, parenting kids and employing emerging leaders.

1. We believe in students and their potential.

So many have given up on Generation Y, scolding them for being slackers, acting entitled, being addicted to technology and having no life skills at all. If any of these are true, we don’t blame the kids. We put the onus on the adults who have taught them, or failed to do so. This generation of kids, called the Millennials, is the largest generation in American history. They represent 80 million people, and growing. Like any generation, they have both an upside and downside to them, but we believe because of their size, their smarts and the fact that they’re growing up when technology allows messages to go viral quickly, they have a greater potential to transform our world than any generation of kids in our history.

2. We believe they are not realizing their potential.

One of the complaints leveled at young people today is that they’re unready for life, often moving back home after college. I believe we are complaining about the wrong people. If kids are unprepared—who failed to prepare them? It was adults. Consider the fact that a hundred years ago, four-year olds were doing appropriate chores around the house, fifteen-year-olds were working the farm, seventeen-year olds were leading armies and nineteen-year-olds were getting married. Teens are capable of accomplish these things and more. We have lowered our expectations and unfortunately, many of them have followed suit. We’ve only scratched the surface of what youth can achieve if mentored well.

3. The realities of our culture have hindered them from reaching that potential.

There has been a perfect storm of elements that have prevented students from reaching their potential, including parenting styles, prescription drugs, media and technology, endocrine disruptors, marketing messages and video games that stunt their growth and maturity. In many ways, students today are over-exposed to information earlier than they are ready and under-exposed to real-life experience later than they’re ready. These realities have dimmed the chances for many of them to become the best version of themselves. No one saw it coming, and it has left adults at a loss as to how to lead them. What we see is only a glimpse of what they can be or do; they are victims of our system.

4. We must rethink the way we lead them in order for them to realize their potential.

We can no longer continue to lead kids the way we have in the past. They are growing up in a different world than we or their older counterparts in Generation Y grew up in. Parents, teachers, coaches, youth workers and employers must re-examine the methods we use to connect and to equip them for adulthood and leadership. We have done more protecting than preparing; we’ve prepared the path for the child not the child for the path. The time is now for us to focus on resourcing them for life; for preparing them for the future and to lead the way into a very uncertain world. We must build leaders who solve problems and serve people. It is up to us to insure the potential of this generation is realized.

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear your foundations or beliefs as you work with the next generation. Just comment below. And by the way—let us know, at Growing Leaders, if we can serve you or your organization/school this year. 

 

I have enjoyed hiring interns for almost thirty years now. Usually they are college students or recent graduates. I love investing in them, and offering experiences that will enable them to get a head start on their career.

jim-woodard

Jim Woodard just joined our Growing Leaders team as an intern. I noticed right away how ready he was to serve, to initiate and to assume responsibility. Over dinner, I asked him what his parents did to prepare him for adult life and leadership. It was not an accident. Some might consider his mother’s tactics harsh, but Jim doesn’t. He remembers being loved deeply by his mom, enough that she prepared him for life after college. Enjoy our conversation below:

1. How were your parents intentional about helping become responsible?

Each day Mom told us two things: she loved us and that we were to serve the people we encountered that day. Mom taught us responsibility by giving her five kids daily assignments and told us we could not play outside until we completed them. There were days we procrastinated and didn’t get to go outside and other days we enjoyed a long playtime. Another responsibility we learned was how to teach others. I’m the second oldest, so I helped the younger three with some of their school as they were growing up. While they were learning math and reading, I was learning about patience and helping others achieve their goals.

2.  What were some creative ideas your mother used to enable you to understand life and leadership better?

My siblings and I have many humorous memories about the creative methods mom used over the years. While I laugh, there’s no arguing her outcome was reached. Here are four of my favorite stories about my mom’s teaching moments.

  • The first one is a hard lesson we learned about obedience. My older brother and I were playing outside when mom called us to come inside. We pretended like we didn’t hear her, not knowing she’d baked fresh cookies. When we did go inside, we admitted we’d ignored her. For our discipline, we were not allowed to have any cookies and had to go back outside and serve our friends the cookies. Needless to say, we never did that again.
  • As a kid, it was like the end of the world when mom was on the phone and I had a question. I didn’t have the patience to wait on her to finish her conversation. Whenever we interrupted mom while she was on the phone, we had to call the person back and apologize. I never decided if it was more embarrassing to call and apologize to the plumber or a family friend. It seemed like simple embarrassment then, but I now know she was teaching us to take responsibility for our actions.
  • We were taught that whatever was set in front of us at dinner, we had to eat. There was no PBJ, Mac and cheese, or chicken nuggets we could default to if we didn’t like the meal. The lesson was that sometimes in life, you don’t have choices and must be content with what you have.
  • One other rule my mom had was that we were not allowed to leave the house if we did not demonstrate good behavior inside the house. This was a daily reminder that we must set an example. If we had poor manners at the dinner table, back-talked our parents, or didn’t get along with the siblings, we had to call and tell the person we’d planned to meet why we would not show up for the event.

3.  What have been your greatest “take aways” from growing up in that home?

Every day, we are always preparing for our next step in life. I find I’m still applying lessons in manners, obedience, and behavior wherever I go. The situations have changed and become more important to follow, but they are the same principles that I was taught ever since I was born.

Thanks Jim. I love intentional parents—because it’s young leaders like you who are the product.

What creative ideas have you used (or seen) to prepare kids for life? Leave a comment below.

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photo credit: kk+ via photopin cc

As Americans, we usually pride ourselves in being the best. We love being number one in the world—in the Olympics, in economics, in entertainment…you name it.

America is Number One Again…Unfortunately

According to Relevant magazine, the National Academy of Sciences has confirmed what America has long known to be true: America is indeed number one. Does it even matter in which category America is number one? It’s so obvious that it’s almost redundant to say it, but, in the interest of journalistic integrity, we’d best examine the details. When put up against Canada, Australia, Japan, Britain, France, Portugal, Italy and Germany and eight other developed nations, America came in first for all kinds of stuff:

  • Infant mortality
  • Injury and homicide rates
  • Teen pregnancy
  • Sexually transmitted diseases
  • AIDS
  • Drug abuse
  • Obesity and diabetes
  • Heart disease, lung disease, and disabilities

And, obviously, America shows no signs of slowing down. “It’s a tragedy,” said Dr. Steven Woolf, who chaired the panel. “Our report found that an equally large, if not larger, disadvantage exists among younger Americans.” And that doesn’t even touch on violence, in which “Americans are seven times more likely to be murdered than people in the other countries, and 20 times more likely to be killed by a gun.”

According to a report by Wealthson, the U.S. also leads in unemployment when compared to ten top industrialized nations between 2009-2010. And youth unemployment is higher than any other demographic in the U.S.

So, here’s my question:

Is there any connection between being number one in categories like teen pregnancy, drug abuse, obesity and homicide rates and the fact that young adults are not working? 

I think there is. When you study unemployment rates for young people and compare them to rates in these categories as well—you see a parallel.  When youth are working they are generally engaged in something meaningful and don’t have time for these anti-social endeavors.  I recognize this may seem overly simplistic, but it’s true. Work is not only about a paycheck, it’s about the development of a person, about the expression of one’s gifts, about contributing something valuable back to society. I know this sounds old-fashioned—but work is supposed to give meaning to our day-to-day lives. I am not saying it’s where we derive our identity, but it IS a place to express our identity.

I say let’s work to get young people back to work. Let’s get them ready for the workforce by equipping them with life skills. And, let’s tell them the truth about the importance of moving from a “consumer” to a “contributor” in this world.

I think they may just surprise us with what they can do, when they don’t have time to do the things they shouldn’t do.

What do you think? Are these trends related? Leave a comment below.

For two days, I have blogged about the value of work—what it does for us and in us when we get the opportunity to apply our talent and effort to something we believe in. It does something good to us that nothing else can accomplish. Unemployment is one of the cruelest experiences a human can endure as it relates to their self-esteem.

value-of-work-students

But there’s another angle to this issue—the consequence of not working.

Consider the person we become when we refuse to work. Entitled. Critical. Lazy. People are at their best when they must reach inside and pull out the very best that lies within. Author Dan Pink reveals that we perform best when we experience:

1. Autonomy – I can self-regulate. I am resourceful and can do it on my own.

2. Mastery – I hone my gifts and improve to the point that I excel in an area.

3. Purpose – I work toward a cause that I believe is very important.

Obviously, there are some who cannot work. For them, I believe those of us who can, must reach out and help them in compassion. But for many others, we do them a disservice by not asking them to do their part. Only then can they avoid becoming less than the person they’re capable of becoming—especially a young person.

Below is a strong and pointed article. It was written by Alfred W. Evans from Gatesville, TX who’s concerned about this next generation. He’s worried about the future and the system he’s living in, where work is—well—unnecessary. He’s obviously writing out of emotion after seeing so many able-bodied people not working but enjoying a life of luxury far beyond his own. The solutions are just common sense in his opinion. His words were printed in the Waco Tribune Herald, Nov 18, 2010. The title:

PUT ME IN CHARGE

Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for
 Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your home will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22-inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self esteem,” consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

 If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND, while you are on government subsistence, you no longer can vote. Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a government  welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

You and I might have said this with more empathy, but he has a point, at least for some cases. Our current system doesn’t push people to be their best—so they aren’t. Anyone want to debate this?

Yesterday, I suggested that work is about more than money. It’s about meaning. And when we don’t equip and encourage our young people to “work” we do them a disservice. We clip their wings. They become disabled when it comes to living a healthy life. They’re unable to be productive adults.

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photo credit: Eric Leslie via photopin cc

The largest unemployed demographic in the US continues to be young adults, 16-29. The reason is not merely a bad economy, although that hasn’t helped. For many, jobs are readily available. Sadly, the jobs that are available are “too low” for teens to take; they’d rather pass them off to immigrants. (In recent focus groups, adolescents told me that yard work or working in a fast food restaurant is “below” them).

Let me suggest some fundamental benefits that work offers us, as people. When we labor at something meaningful—offering goods or services to our community—we engage in an activity that benefits us far more deeply than financial. Consider this:

1. Good work helps us identify our gifts.

When we get a job, we can experiment with tasks that can confirm where our greatest gifts and talents lie. The closer we get to serving in our “sweet spot” the deeper our sense of satisfaction.

2. Good work helps us develop discipline.

When we work on a job, our motivation may only be the paycheck that’s coming on Friday, but along the way, we deepen our disciplines; we hone our ability to delay gratification and get beyond doing only what “feels good.”

3. Good work raises our self-esteem.

I believe working a job typically ends up cultivating our self-image. We gain a deeper sense of pride about ourselves; a greater sense of dignity; we want to live by a higher standard. One proverb says: He that hates discipline despises himself.

4. Good work provides big picture vision.

When we work, we tend to gain perspective. We can see passed ourselves; we are humbled by it. Activities we assumed were easy are now clearly not that easy. We appreciate money and what it buys because we know the hours it took to earn it.

5. Good works furnishes fulfillment.

Finally, when we work at something we believe in, the reward can be internal. More than a salary, we gain in inward sense of gratification. We’ve added value; we can step back and look with satisfaction what we’ve accomplished. This is a divine gift.

If you know a young person who “just isn’t into working”, may I suggest you talk over these five benefits with them?  Perhaps they’ve never seen an adult actually work at a job they love. Or, they’ve never seen a job they felt actually mattered. You and I know differently.  Let’s get our young people working again. Let’s model for them what it looks like to enjoy work while laboring at something that counts.

Let me hear from you. What are some other benefits of good work? Leave a comment below.