Archives For Parenting

Each week, I blog to teachers, youth workers, coaches, parents and employers who work with young people. In fact, my tagline for the blog is: Leading the Next Generation. Today, I’d like to unveil three rules every leader of young people ought to know about human nature, particularly young humans. If you train students or young adults, never forget the following life rules:

1. People don’t do well when things in life come easy.

It’s true for all of us—but certainly for kids. If students grow up and everything has been handed to them on a silver platter; they’ve never had to work for any of it, in fact, the “poop never stuck to their shoes” (meaning they never had consequences for the wrong things they did), they likely will not fare well in life as an adult. We must teach appropriate consequences to students, for all of their actions.

2. People almost always do better when they are watched.

My friend told me how he runs daily around the track at the local high school in town. One day, a bunch of beautiful young ladies stood beside the track chatting. He told me he made sure his form was perfect and he looked good when he ran by them. Why? Just in case they were watching. The bottom line? We all perform better under surveillance. We need accountability. We do better when we’re watched.

3. People don’t perform well without encouragement and example.

Most of us forget a universal principle in life. Encouragement is not a luxury. It is essential for people to move forward. Additionally, seeing an example is often a necessity, since people generally do what they “see” not what they “hear.” Last year 61% of American workers said they received no encouragement on their job and saw no positive examples. Ugh. As you attempt to train young people, be intentional about the encouragement you offer and the example you set for those students.

So, whoever you’re students are, whether they’re…

  • An Athlete or a Mathlete
  • A Musician or a Thespian
  • A Jock or a Geek
  • Fuzzy or Focused about the future

I suggest you follow these three rules if you want to prepare them for the future. Are there any other “rules” you’ve found are universal?

Tim

Yesterday, I blogged about four-letter words. You know what a four-letter word is. It’s a bad word. It’s a word that mom taught you to never use. It was often a swear word (translate that cuss word). It was evil.

Well, I am sharing Part Two of a list today that Generation Y (the Millennials) would say are four-letter words to them. Bad words. Ideas they hate and avoid. My son, Jonathan, and I met recently and discussed this list together. He is a member of Generation Y. If you lead students or even young adults—you will want to avoid this list of literal four-letter words as you lead young people today. They describe concepts this emerging generation abhors.

Yesterday, the first five four-letter words were:

1. Wait.
2. Copy.
3. Dues.
4. Fear.
5. Solo.

    Check out the next five here…

    1. Mute.

    With some rare exceptions, the Millennial generation likes to live out loud. In fact, most of the students I meet like noise. Silence is not golden to them. They will appreciate that later in life. For now, they want stimulating sounds from iPods, websites, cell phones (texts) and social networking sites like Twitter.

    2. Lame.

    Youth expect excellence from those who lead them. They can sniff out amateurism a mile away. They laugh at “wanna be’s” even though many of them are just that. They grew up with HD, incredibly detailed animation on video games and Disney movies.  We must find a way to do what we can with excellence and authenticity.

    3. Calm.

    It’s difficult for students to be still. They’ve matured in a highly stimulating culture that actually fosters ADHD. They cope with problems through busyness. They are almost always active, talking, texting, Skyping, iChatting, browsing websites and updating Facebook profiles. We must teach them the value of stillness and silence.

    4. Bore.

    The greatest challenge most teachers face today is: entertaining their students. Kids get bored so easily. If you want to maintain a kid’s attention, you have to do more than lecture or write on a chalk board. To “entertain” means to capture and hold one’s attention. That’s exactly what we must do with students today.

    5. Fake.

    The only thing worse than being “uncool” is being unreal. Students today hate anything that is fake. They love the idea of being authentic. As adults, we must work to be the genuine article (who we really are) not grown ups trying to be cool and hip.  If you will be transparent—you will gain an audience much more readily.

    So, here’s my question. You must have some words of your own? What are the “four-letter words” you’ve identified that are “no no’s” to young people?  Do tell.

    Tim

    You know what a four-letter word is. It’s a bad word. It’s a word that mom taught you to never use. It was often a swear word (translate that cuss word). It was evil.

    Well, I have a list today that Generation Y (the Millennials) would say are four-letter words to them. Bad words. Ideas they hate and avoid. My son, Jonathan, and I met recently and discussed this list together. He is a member of Generation Y. If you lead students or even young adults—you will want to avoid this list of literal four letter words as you plan, manage, mentor and lead them this year. I will share five more words tomorrow.

    1. Wait.

    You know this. Students today, by and large, are not good at delaying gratification. I have said before, they have a “Google Reflex.” They’re used to getting feedback, food, answers, affirmation, toys and resources…now. Things are instant. They expect them to be. You’ll have to be intentional about teaching patience and pace.

    2. Copy.

    Students abhor thinking they might be a copy of someone else. To them, everyone is unique and awesome. They are all special. To simply emulate someone else; to be an imitation of another brand (while they may be guilty of this) is an idea they hate. Find unique features about the students you lead and tell them.

    3. Dues.

    I discovered in every focus group I’ve led, young people have a disdain for the phrase: “You gotta pay your dues. You don’t have anything to say yet, you’re too young. Get a little experience—pay your dues—and we’ll let you participate later.” They want to be listened to now, believing they have something to say.

    4. Fear.

    Even though nearly every Generation Y student I interact with admits to having fears and insecurities—fear is a word they avoid. “No Fear” is a term they grew up with. So, they exhibit and sometimes feign confidence and security in front of others. We must help them get past this pretense and help them genuinely face their fears.

    5. Solo.

    May I remind you this generation of students rarely does anything alone. They hate being disconnected. In fact, the average adolescent is disconnected from technology (Social networking sites) only one hour a day. They often won’t make a decisions without getting consensus from friends. We must teach them to stand on their own.

    I recognize these words are anecdotal, but they come from years of working with about 50,000 students annually. And…a candid informal focus group with my son.

    Tomorrow, I will provide five more words for you.

    What are your thoughts? Any words you want to add to this list?

    Tim

    Last week, the findings Pew Research Center made on SNS (Social Networking Sites) was released. They are a mixed bag, but there is some good news about these sites. The findings on Facebook alone are interesting and I thought you’d enjoy them:

    1. The number of people using social networking sites has nearly doubled since 2008 and the population of SNS users has gotten older.

    In this Pew Internet Project sample, 79% of American adults said they used the internet and 59% of internet users, say they use at least one of the SNS. This is more than double the 26% of adults (34% of internet users) who used a SNS in 2008. Among other things, this means the average age of adult-SNS users has shifted from 33 in 2008 to 38 in 2010. Over half of all adult SNS users are now over the age of 35. Some 56% of SNS users now are female.

    2. Surprise, surprise!  Facebook domintes the Social Networking scene.

    Facebook dominates the SNS space in the Pew survey: 92% of SNS users are on Facebook; 29% use MySpace, 18% used LinkedIn and 13% use Twitter.

    There is considerable variance in the way people use various social networking sites: 52% of Facebook users and 33% of Twitter users engage with the platform daily, while only 7% of MySpace and 6% of LinkedIn users do the same. On Facebook on an average day:

    ▪                15% of Facebook users update their status.

    ▪                22% comment on another’s post or status.

    ▪                20% comment on another user’s photos.

    ▪                26% “Like” another user’s content.

    ▪                10% send another user a private message.

    3. Facebook users are more trusting than others.

    Pew Research asked people if they felt “that most people can be trusted.” When Pew used regression analysis to control four demographic factors, they found the typical internet user is more than twice as likely as others to feel that people can be trusted. Further, they found Facebook users are even more likely to be trusting. Pew used regression analysis to control four other factors and found that a Facebook user who uses the site multiple times per day is 43% more likely than other internet users and more than three times as likely as non-internet users to feel that most people can be trusted.

    4. Facebook users have more close relationships.

    The average American has just over two discussion confidants (2.16 on average) — that is, people with whom they discuss important matters. This is a modest, but significantly larger number than the average of 1.93 core ties reported when we asked this same question in 2008. Controlling for other factors we found that someone who uses Facebook several times per day averages 9% more close, core ties in their overall social network compared with other internet users.

    This Thursday and Friday, our organization, Growing Leaders will host a National Leadership Forum called, “Develop: Cultivating Growth, Engagement and Success in Students.” One of the issues we’ll discuss is now to harness new technology to help students grow. Join us in Atlanta if you can: www.NationalLeadershipForum.org.

    Tim

    For years, I’ve been in dialogue with teachers, coaches and parents who wondered if social networking sites are good or bad for students.

    Questions have been raised about the social impact of widespread use of social networking sites (SNS) like Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace, and Twitter. Do these technologies isolate people and truncate their relationships? Or are there benefits associated with being connected to others in this way? The Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project decided to examine SNS in a survey that explored people’s overall social networks and how use of these technologies is related to trust, tolerance, social support, and community and political engagement.

    Tomorrow, I will summarize the findings Pew Research made, but for now, let me provide a summary of my response to their findings:

    1. Social networking is not going away any time soon. Parents and educators must find ways to harness and capitalize on this technology as a tool for growth.

    2. Social networking can actually foster relationships and certainly enable an introverted person to be more “social.”

    3. Social networking sites can also make us lazy—so we must balance “face” time with “screen” time to ensure we maintain our people skills, emotional intelligence and communication skills.

    4. Social networking sites are taking the place of the Roledex for the Baby Boomers and the cell phone for the Gen Xers. In other words, don’t assume Facebook is just plain bad for kids. It’s a new, more efficient way to connect.

    So here’s my question for you: how are you using social networking sites to develop the students around you?  Are you capitalizing on them to educate kids? Do you remember what happened with television back in the 1960s? Everyone said how evil TV was…then along came Sesame Street, Captain Kangaroo, Barney and Blues Clues. TV is neutral. We simply had to learn a way to harness TV as a tool.

    This Thursday and Friday, our organization, Growing Leaders will host a National Leadership Forum called, “Develop: Cultivating Growth, Engagement and Success in Students.” One of the issues we’ll discuss is now to harness new technology to help students grow. Join us in Atlanta if you can: www.NationalLeadershipForum.org.

    What’s your feedback?  Do you (or someone you know) do this well? Please share it.

    Tim