Three Huge Mistakes We Make Leading Kids…and How to Correct Them

I agree wholeheartedly with this article. My parents were so wise in raising my four brothers and me. They let us fail, and we had to suffer the consequences of our bad choices. We came from hard working parents who didn’t have much money, but all of us have been successful in our work. I hope that this trend with today’s parents turns around soon, for the sake of future generations.

I am a mother of 2 grown sons and gma of 8, this was such a good read and on target for this generation of kids/parents. I wish all would read for those that apply, but, as we all know, this will not happen. Somehow, along the way we as parents have lost so many skills to pitying our kids, doing for them, buying love, and the list goes on, what are they doing? Ruining our children and the next generation of responsible adults.

You are right on. I am 81 years old and I am a substitute math teacher at the local high school. It is so differcult to get most of the students to get out of their comfort zones and work with me in developing a solution to a problem. But, it’s not their fault. they’ve been taught to never take a chance just in case they may look bad. (or perceived stupid. Although most of the other students don’t know how to solve the problem either.) But, there is a silver lining. If you are able to convince the students that you have their best interest at heart and that you are not there to judge them but to help them learn (i.e. gain their trust). They will open up and then the educational process begins. I’ve had this happen and it makes it all worth while… Jerry

Excellent article. I was a parent that believed in “tough love”. My child admitted later that even though he didn’t like it at the time, he knew I did what was best for him.

When I was just a kid and very poor, sadly, I stole from a collection plate at a kids club in church. Instead of my father smoothing it over with the leadership, He literally took me by the hand and took me to the leader’s home to confess. Was I embarrassed? Yes, but it was a lesson well learned about the consequences of stealing. I never wanted to steal again.

I think every parent and I will add every couple needs to read the book by Dr. Henry Cloud entitled “Boundaries”. Both kids and couples need boundaries. Statistics show that kids without boundaries are usually the ones who get into serious trouble.

Thanks for writing this informative article. As a former teacher, I certainly saw the affects when parents started unrealistically “fighting” for their kids instead of allowing them to stand up for themselves.

I am a director of a daycare center. I am a no non-sense person. The children are told like it is and I am consitant and firm with the rules and their behaviors. I see it when the children get picked up. They are listening and behaving for the teachers,but when Mom or Dad comes in, they turn into demanding, screaming, crying, whining little you know what. I am going to post this link on the school’s FB page for our parents. I agree with every comment mentioned already. And the parents that need to read this, won’t or even recongize themselves in the article.

Let’s see some data, dude. Any actual data that children are being overparented? Or are you playing really, really fast and loose by integrating research findings from a number of different levels that don’t really cohere in the way you assert?

Really enjoyed this article and the parts about mothers interrupting classes and kids complaining ….priceless…had a good laugh about that …spot on. The part about feedback is excellent as specific feedback whether negative or positive must be said in the right way with suitable body languag – a hug or even a look…its the package of feedback which makes parenting and teaching so rewarding …. thanks for the article

Ok, here’s a question… what should someone in their 20’s do, who grew up as a spoiled child, and who already HAS these negative effects? Is it up to that person to kick himself in the ass and, in essence, re-teach himself how to live in the real world? Or is there help to be sought? This article denotes some excellent ways to prevent making these mistakes… but what to do when the damage is already done?

This article clearly outlines what mistakes have been made by parents and teachers, why they have been made, and how parents can solve the problems they have created. I appreciate your candor and matter-of-fact tone. It does much to recommend your solutions. I am the mother of two adult children (25 and 23) who navigate the world fairly successfully. And I am a veteran (17 years) teacher who has taught both college and high school. My current position teaching 11th and 12th graders is challenging only because my students will not take responsibility for themselves and theri work, neither will they weather the difficulties of learning. If they do not master it the moment they hear it, they will not put in the effort because they consider it beneath their notice. The fault, they figure, is mine because I did not explain it clearly enough. Have you any advice or maybe a book about how teachers can begin to turn the ship against the tide of parents, administrators, and district personnel determined to coddle and hand-hold these students until they are 30? I’d be very interested in a book like that. Thank you for your work.

My son became very angry with me one day. I worked part-time as a Media Aide at his school and he had come to me to sign a paper he had neglected to show me the night before. I wouldn’t sign it. “I love you no matter where we are, but this was to be signed by your mom. I am your librarian right now. If you bring it home to your mom tonight, I’m sure she’ll be happy to sign it for you.”

Unless or until you find the “Fountain of Youth” and are prepared to spend your life as babysitter, your job is to prepare your kids for the tough world out there. They are not yours to keep under your wing forever. They are a gift which you nurture, love, guide and educate until they can stand on their own as a thriving, contributing and loving independent being.

“It is too bad,” I tell my kids, “that there are so many adults these days and so very, very few GROWNUPS!”

Oh my god finally!!!!!!! Unfortunately it will take generations to fix the damage done by “bubble wrapping” our kids for 20 years….

There are so many kids coming out of high school these days with a sense of entitlement but no work ethic to back it up. I have chosen certain, age appropriate things for my 3-year-old daughter to have to do each day: put her dirty clothes in her basket, put her dirty dishes in the kitchen, and generally help tidy up toys etc. There are times that I choose my battles (if dinner is late one night and she is tired, I won’t force the dirty dishes chore) but as a general rule, it is followed through. She already knows that if I tell her something is her “responsibility”, not to argue as she won’t get anywhere with it. That being said, I will help her to accomplish things, such as cleaning up toys together while singing the “clean up” song :). I also try not to give empty praise too much (though I know I still do!), but also to reinforce HER feelings of accomplishment; “You look really proud to have finished that puzzle all by yourself, do you feel happy and proud right now?” rather MY feelings. Still a work in progress though…

I am lucky enough to teach in a Gifted Education program that does not attach GPA-meddling grades to cross-curricular projects. We encourage risk. We promote effort as reward. We try to put the love of learning back into education. After a general reaction of confusion or disbelief, the students’ faces light up when they realize that they truly have control over their products.

It is an ideal environment to illustrate your point — Kids who don’t put forth effort usually have parents who make excuses such as, “My child is bored.” or (my favorite) “Well, this work doesn’t matter if my child isn’t being graded.”

Without the big gold star, nothing is valued. How do parents expect to develop hard-working, productive, HONEST children when effort is presented as unnecessary?

As a retired teacher of 33 years, I have definitely seen the “changes” occur! I have seen the elementary age years go from confident to fearful children. The three reasons stated above are key. Very important for all parents to know…
Thank you for writing it!

My parents were the meanest parents in the world and they taught me to be the same. I can’t thank them enough.

Absolutely!!

Thank you for writing this article. I had heard the story of Dr. Carol Dweck’s research and had applied it successfully with my children, but I had never heard or maybe remembered the source and just hated telling teachers and friends about my “You worked hard” miracle without properly sourcing it.

Thank you for putting into words what I have been thinking since I became a parent 4 years ago!!!

I completely agree with this article, unfortunately since the majority of parents now hover over their children, it makes it even more difficult for parents who want to teach their kids some independence to do so. You mention going to the park and playing a game of baseball. Well it’s very difficult for a child to do that now since there are no other kids at the park to play a game with. All the other kids in the neighbourhood are busy with other scheduled activities. (hockey, piano, gymnastics, etc) Parents now want to make sure that their children learn so much that their entire life is being scheduled for them, they never have time to go and plan something for themselves. When I was a kid, you could go to the park, meet new kids, have a tree climbing competition, leave the house with a hand full of nails and a hammer and build a fort somewhere. Kids now would not even know what to do with a hammer, specially without being supervised by a parent. We would have a bunch of kids, the older ones leading the younger ones. No parents needed. When I was a kids, during the summer, the neighbourhood would have children playing outside until the street lights came on, then we would check in with our parents, and likely keep playing outside longer, just a little closer to home. Now in the summer, the neighbourhoods are empty and quiet. All the kids are sent away to daycare or camp. It’s difficult to send a kids out to play when there is nobody to play with. I am happy my daughter’s have siblings, but sometimes playing with other kids and learnings to deal with different personalities would be nice. I find that I hear alot of kids say that they are bored and there is nothing to do. They have never learned how to find something to do for themselves. The only time they have ever played was when a “play-date” was arranged or they were part of a team that their parents signed them up for. I do, on occasion, take my kids to a park that is further from home, since I know there will be other kids there. I sit back and let them play and interact with the other kids and watch them figure out what they can and can’t do. But since other parents are hovering over their kids, it makes it difficult for much kid to kid interaction, and I also get the looks from the other parents wondering why I’m not more involved. I have often been told that I am mean by my kids because I will not give in to their every desire. I just hope more parents learn to not schedule their child’s life and to sit back and let them figure things out for themselves.

I try to follow the suggestions you have outlined in this article. I try to let my five year old navigate the playground dynamics on his own. I try to let him figure out how to avoid dangerous situations. But more often than not, I’m helicoptering around him, helping him in social situations, making sure he doesn’t walk in front of a car. My son is autistic, and while most people probably wouldn’t notice his autism in public, they would notice me hovering around him. My son also responds really well to material rewards in his behavioral plan. Again, not something I set out to do, but it’s what works best for him; it’s what motivates him. I can assure you, we still have plenty of unconditional love, and my son gets that. I know you wrote this with “typical” kids in mind, but all kids are different, and so the ways in which we must parent are different too. I just wanted to include this comment as a reminder that we must not judge everyone, or if we do, we must be open to the idea that our judgements are wrong.

What a wonderful article, I have tried to impress upon my peers that in order for their kids to grow up they have to fail a time or two. It amazes me when I listen to parents who rush to defend their child for the most insignificant things and then complain that their child takes no responsibility. My boys have pitched in at home since they were old enough to put their laundry in a hamper, now they are the first ones to offer help, we had no catastrophes in high school as some of our friends did. I believe you must allow your children to suffer the consequences of their actions from an early age because if you don’t you have a generation of entitled kids who don’t understand the meaning of the word no.

That’s how I raised my kids, they are all self sufficent and contributing to the betterment of society. They need to live in the real world from the get go.

I like to take my daughter out to a park, or a local indoor play place every now and then. Shes currently two and like any two year old is still working on her social skills. Since my daughter is typically the child who just lets the bigger kids take her toy,or bulldoze her over, I have spent sometime letting her know that she can use her words to express herself. My goal was to get her to find her inner voice, start communicating to peers and to learn how to RESOLVE simple “playground” altercations. This doesnt mean I want her to be a bully, but I want her to stick up for herself and equally I want her to hear first hand from another peer how her choices made them feel.
Far to often I see parents who are quick to jump up and yell at their kid for snatching a toy from another child, or to intervene when someone elses child (in their opinion) has done some wrong to theirs without letting these kids work it out on thier own.
I really wonder how the kids of parents who just jump in and make everything “better” are going to function in the real world

I like to take my daughter out to a park, or a local indoor play place every now and then. Shes currently two and like any two year old is still working on her social skills. Since my daughter is typically the child who just lets the bigger kids take her toy,or bulldoze her over, I have spent sometime letting her know that she can use her words to express herself. My goal was to get her to find her inner voice, start communicating to peers and to learn how to RESOLVE simple “playground” altercations. This doesnt mean I want her to be a bully, but I want her to stick up for herself and equally I want her to hear first hand from another peer how her choices made them feel.
Far to often I see parents who are quick to jump up and yell at their kid for snatching a toy from another child, or to intervene when someone elses child (in their opinion) has done some wrong to theirs without letting these kids work it out on thier own.
I really wonder how the kids of parents who just jump in and make everything “better” are going to function in the real world

the only thing i would add to this is to totally make your kids do chores for the good of the household; and find some other cause to contribute to. It helps them to learn very quickly that there is someone to think about other than themselves. Telling them about the starving children in another country means nothing to them, but going to the soup kitchen to serve some meals will show them first hand how to think of others (not to mention create a goal to hopefully never need the services of these places)

“Risk behavior ‘peeks’ in adolescence” At what? The neighbor?

Risk behavior “peaks”. Tops out. Apexes.

Show & tell: my kids played with fire.

children love fire

…..and any activity that isn’t at least sort of dangerous is just no fun. Mexicans know and appreciate this more than Americans do and we learned this when we moved to Mexico when our children were 7, 10, and 11 years old. Before we left New Jersey, they used to get in trouble for running on the playground. Or chasing. There was an episode of harmless pantsing at recess, and Jacob thought it perfectly fitting that the perpetrator was subsequently suspended. After all, Jacob’s butt had been exposed for all to see.

Imagine my surprise, when during a visit to their Mexican countryside school, the PE teacher decided to liven up recess with a group “jumping activity”. He pulled a long piece of chain link out of a shed, and proceeded to tie rags along its length. He then put on some (asbestos?) gloves, took out a rusty can of kerosene and haphazardly saturated the rags and the ground below it.

The children roared with delight when, with a flourish, he tossed a match onto the rope, and it burst into flames.

While Max and Evelyn rushed to join the line forming behind it, Jacob whispered in my ear: “This is fucking awesome.”

I watched in shock, as each child after another leaped over the rope… the teacher raised it ever higher to raise the level of difficulty. Sometimes, a spark would fly from the rope and ignite some of the kerosene that had spilled on to the ground.

Paroxysms of unbridled ecstasy.

Until a 1st grader fell on top of the rope and burned his stomach.

I watched as he was led into a nearby classroom by a teacher holding a freshly picked stalk of aloe and I assumed that the activity had come to an end.

It hadn’t. To read more, visit my blog, Playbuffet at http://playbuffet.tumblr.com/post/33255241699/show-tell-my-kids-played-with-fire

“risk-taking behavior peeks . . . ” that should be *peaks*.

Unfortunately, this is not just a parent issue…it is also an educational one. While teaching university I discovered that over 50% of my students did not know how to write a complete sentence. Essay marking was a dreadful experience.
When my daughter was ready to go to high school I went to some school open houses to talk to the teachers about the English program and whether or not they taught essay writing skills. At one school I was told that they didn’t stress essay writing as they did not want the students to feel pressure that that they had to go to university to succeed! Seriously! We opted for the other school that was further away that had a better attitude towards writing skills as a life skill!
Even universities have lowered their expectations. I was once told not to grade on grammar, only content, because the average writing level was so poor! On the positive side, a college I taught for realized that they were graduating students with honours even though they could not write. They realized that this was a poor reflection of the college itself and so they asked me to develop a basic and advanced academic writing course that all students were required to take. Smart move!
Regarding university and college student attitudes…I have taught many students who felt they did not need to work for their grades and then complained about their grades…and sometimes this resulted in many nasty emails to me as the instructor. In some cases the department had to officially stop the harassment against me! Please do not think that I am a nasty prof! I try very hard to make learning an exciting adventure using many adult education methods! It is, however, often hard to get students to work in groups to discuss issues as they have stifled imaginations and low self esteem…
Parents AND our educational institutions have to make changes so that we raise adults who are creative, courageous and skilled to face a world of challenge, success AND failure!
P.S. Of our four children there is a teacher, nurses aide, culinary artist and a business manager…all wonderful self-determined, contributing people!

How about the parents that don’t let their kids get their drivers license or an after school job? Or the coaches that forbid athletes to miss a practice for their jobs? Why are parents filling out college applications and FAFSA for their kids? Help them with the info they need but let them do it. My son and daughter both filled out all the college paperwork. All I had to do was give them the numbers. They each paid for their own cars when they were 16, their own insurance and gas, their own iPhones and service plans…why? Because I taught them how to and I taught them why they should want to. My oldest son will graduate college in June. He is self sufficient both emotionally and financially. I did my job well. My other two kids are also on the right path to becoming independent adults. I could not be more proud of them!

Well said.

I’m curious. Did you actually read the article you referenced, “Parental Risk Attitudes and Children’s Academic Test Scores”? I read it, and I can’t find one shred of evidence from that article to support the theory that trying to protect your children from physical and emotional harm can or will affect their academic achievements.

The authors interpreted data from a 1996 PSID study performed by the University of Michigan. Risk aversion in this study was measured by asking parents questions about changing jobs. More specifically parents were asked if they had a 50% chance of increasing their income if they changed jobs and a 50% chance of decreasing their income if they changed jobs would they do it. The percentage increases and decreases varied. There were no questions like, “if your child skins his knee, do you immediately swoop down and kiss it better while yelling at the kid who pushed him?”

I see one huge weakness in the risk aversion assessment used in the study. Let’s say, to demonstrate a point, that a mom and dad collectively make $50,000 per year (or less) and are presented with this scenario: If you quit your current job and you take THIS new job you will have a 50% chance of doubling your income in a year or a 50% chance of cutting your income in half in a year. Will you do it? Now let’s say their answer is an emphatic “NO!” Does that make them timid and not willing to take any risks? Does that mean they are likely to be the type of parent who doesn’t allow their child out of the house or is a parent that does their children’s homework for them, etc.? No, it probably means that they are in a lower income bracket and cannot afford to take that kind of risk with their family’s welfare even if they had a 50% chance to double their income. And it might just be that being in the lower income brackets equated with lower test scores as these were the parents more likely to answer NO. We have seen numerous studies that have found THAT correlation.

I’m not arguing that children do not need responsiblity, consequences, and accountability, but I also do not believe that they need to be allowed to jump off the roof, take the subway by themselves while in elementary school, ride the bus if their parents can drive them, put up with bullying because it builds character, or ride bicycles without helmets. I perceive a certain amount of animosity toward parents both in your article and in the comments. Parents can’t win today. Nowhere is the schizophrenic attitude toward parents seen more than it is in public schools.

If children do not perform well it is because the parents are not involved enough (it is never because the curriculum is abysmal or the teacher is ineffective) but if the parents ARE involved they are labeled with the very pejorative title of “helicopter parent.” Your disdain for the dad who monitored his son with the mini drone was apparent. I don’t know that story, but I could counter your perception of a helicopter parent with a dad who desparately wants to give his child wings in a world where there is real cruelty and danger; much more so than when I was in elementary school in the 70’s.

Well said! And so true. It’s hard to let them go, it’s hard to see them fall, but it’s worse to have them living at home well into their adult lives, relying on you to solve all their problems. I’ve been amazed at what my son has done all by himself when I back off and let him take the reigns. (Tho I’m usually watching him from the sidelines). =)

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor
do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no
safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring
adventure, or nothing.”

-Helen Keller

“Distancing and escapism prevent all possibilities of adaptive response.” -Unknown

Spot On! Life is hard and we fail all the time. Kids must learn that failure isn’t bad it’s just along the road to success.

Thought provoking article. Reminded me of simple common sense we often forget or ignore.

I run a small preschool from my home and I cant have a swing set in my backyard because of state regulations. Its ridiculous!I realize we need to be safe but maybe we could teach the children to use the swing set in a safe way. ? Who started all this craziness?

why are all the comments and feedback so complimantary? I’m thinking Dr. Tim is only showing the ones that serve him well. Why would anybody take child rearing advice from ANYBODY? I think it’s a learn as you go process. Try to do your best and believe in your theories. Does Dr. Tim have adult children? I’d like to know what his children contribute society? I believe that people who take advice about children rearing are insecure. Every generation says the same thing about the one before. Who’s better who’s worse? Common sense tells me that you need to have boundaries and RULES. TA DAH! What makes any parent better than any other parent?

This is a fantastic article that I will share with my colleagues. I am an international teacher and have two elementary aged kids of my own. The philosophy of this sounded a lot like Charles Fay (love and logic) guys; he also wrote From Bad Grades to a Great Life, or something like that. I need to keep reading and rereading this book and articles like yours to remind myself of these things.
Thanks

I am a strong believer in letting children learn from their mistakes and not enough people do these days. I have been nannying for 10 years and the safety precautions that the parents want me to impose on the children are sometimes ridiculous. I try to respect their wishes but I can help being me and I let the children learn. Bringing up this topic with them is also tricky for me, any suggestions as how I could? I think it would be a bit too slap in the face if I emailed this article…

Tim, you do not deserve a ribbon or trophy or even the praise of these commentators your points are spouting common sense and material that has been around for centuries. Try harder.

Well … just a thought …. my great-grandchild is starting Grade 1 soon … what I see is that couples are having fewer children … I know of many, many single-child families. And a lot of those parents are divorced. Sometimes the parents feel they need to be “super-parents” in order to justify their parenthood, and often in competition with their Ex, who is much kinder, much more lenient, etc. (Don’t underestimate the “child” … they are smart, and if they see an opportunity to make life easier, they will take it!) And they (the parents) are being congratulated for the exact same behaviour you describe …. “Oh, he’s SUCH a good dad!” (or “Mom”) The insecurity of the parents in an increasingly technological world, with which a lot of them are still trying to cope themselves, is a contributing factor. I hope those parents will have the courage and foresight to help their children become strong, empathetic and accountable adults. Though, I doubt it somehow. What will happen to the next generation of children born of indulged, self-centered adults who are chidren now, I wonder??

I think the parents that spoil their children and don’t encourage emotional endurance and coping skills in their kids will just make life easier for my kids. My kids know I love them unconditionally, but they are also aware the world doesn’t love them unconditionally. I often remind them that life is not fair, so get over it and get on with it.

great. Good old fashioned parenting. I grew up in an English home with victorian values. I raised my 4 children much the same but with a little less rigidy. When they were teenagers many people said they were well adjusted children. It was 20 years later when i understood what they meant. All 4 went straight to university after high school and all lead productive lives. 3 of them have their own children and they are doing a great job raising them with good values. I see many of the values I taught them coming through, even though, yes, I was often the ogre.
I am so proud of them all.

I am in love with your article. I was born and raised in germany and somethings I saw in the 2 years I lived with my family (Husband US Army (not anymore), Antonio (7), Carlos (5) and Emily (3)) in TN, where shocking to me. All playgrounds are out of metal and have the bouncy ground, no scores were taken during soccer games or basketball games, no running in school and dont get me started on the food in school (different story). I am very happy being home again. My 7 year old walks by himself through town to his school, my 5 year old walks ALONE to Kindergarten (I pick him up) and for darn sure we keep score during our sport games, how else are they supposed to learn to lose with grace (ok ok we are still working on the grace part 😉 ).
My children fall down, they get up and shake it off, every parent should be able to hear on the call or cry of their children if they only want attention OR are really hurt, I do, because they know I wont come if they aint really hurt. They fall my first question is “Any body parts missing any blood, NO? Ya good to go”!
They same thing for toddle telling/snitching…..how much I dislike this….they come and tell me something somebody else was doing to them, my first question is always “And what did you do?”
Let kids be kids, they deserve it!

As a middle school teacher, I have lately noticed that it seems to be the more academic kids, those who are used to scoring / achieving highly, who show the least resilience when challenged or when given constructive advice. What you’ve said reinforces why.

Don’t know if this article intended to start people applauding their own parenting methods, but thats all thats going on now here!! Yes, yes you are all wonderful.

I think “good job” should be added to the list of ridiculous things parents (and teachers) say to kids. I do not say it in my house and my in-laws think I am nuts. I have heard parents congratulating kids for walking and talking! The rationale, I believe, is that it builds self-esteem to be constantly told how great you are; that those comments somehow propel the child to keep going. (Like they would stop eating and talking if not told how great they were doing?) But real self-confidence is earned through your own work. We have a whole generation of kids who have low self-worth and who are risk-averse, and they have been told they were doing a good job from the get go, probably for being born, then crying, then breathing and gurgling.

A-ffing-MEN! We gotta quit coddling our kids. We live right by a gradeschool, and all the parents drive their kids one block to school. Atrocious.

This article isn’t about being a strict parent, it’s about using common sense. You as a parent are there to teach your child the skills they need to become a happy successful adult. I see too many parents micro managing their children’s lives. It’s ridiculous. I’m not super strict but my kids do play out and know about making good decisions but also about consequences.

Wonderful, based on facts and inspiring with thought provoking ideas!!!!!!

Excellent article! We raised three wonderful young men, who are all very capable of making good decisions and supporting themselves and their families. The oldest and middle are Army veterans. The middle and youngest are Eagle Scouts. The middle is a semi-pro bass fisherman. They all work and pay their own bills and contribute to society. We did not subscribe to the so-called “child rearing books” or to everything we saw, heard, or read. We administered the good, old-fashioned mom and dad behavior, along with the Golden Rule. Yes, we were called the meanest mom and dad in the world more than a few times, but that was in the heat of the moment and we wore those badges with honor. We doled out punishment, when punishment was due. We praised our boys for their achievements. We did not demand that they receive an A in every subject, but we would not settle for a D, either. We knew how hard they worked just for a B and to make the merit role, and we assured them that we respected their efforts for those achievements. We raised the bar during those times when we knew it was absolutely necessary, to teach them lessons they would not learn elsewhere. We taught them how to right their wrongs, and they all had a few. We went to every T-ball game, basketball game, wrestling match, fishing tournament, and Boy Scout meeting, and supported all their student events. We knew we were onto something when other parents would jokingly ask us to take their kids for a few weeks to teach them the manners our sons always exhibited. And we really knew we did right by them when they each reached age 18 and each told us how we were always their best friends, still were, and always would be. We did something right somewhere along the way, on pure instinct and our desire to raise upstanding, respectable young men. And we grew up right along with them.

enjoyed this article as both a mum and a secondary school teacher. My children often thought me harsh, but when they went off to uni they were astounded by how incapable a lot of fellow students were in looking after themselves or working through problems. As a teacher i see lots of students who wont try something as they are afraid to fail and it is difficult to get them to understand that there is a lot to learn in the process of trying

Amen to everything….I work at a school and as I was reading this immediately I thought of a dozen parents that do this exact thing you talk about in your acticle. I have three children and I tried to do all the things you talk about. I’ve done my share of mistakes but I can truly say they are upstanding, kind, conciderate, respondsible young adults. They’ve made their share of mistakes as well but I think they also have learned valuable lessons along the way. Thank you Thank you…I wish everyone could read this.

Love this article! I have tried to raise my kids the way I have been. Letting them take risks and figure things out for themselves.

I taught for a while and expected the same from my students. You pay attention, you respect others, and you work for your grades…..didn’t come very much appreciated by the “new young teachers” who thought everyone had to be catered to else we “disturb”their growth! I expected a lot from my students, and in the end they respected me.

I do agree with all of the parenting not rescuing & as a mother of a 5 & 2 yr old girls, these had been very easy to instill. UNTIL my then4 yr old went out into her 1st recreation on her own w/o Mum! She/we were both I will admit somewhat resistant to her going b/c as normal we were hoping to enjoy the summer before sending her off to kindergarten & separating. We truly enjoyed being together & yes she had been to pre-school gymnastics & swim..mostly along w/ me..Her 3rd day in this camp that Nana had registered her & her cousin for tragedy struck..a 14yr old “counselor” sexually abused her & all of the self esteem/confidence & innocence in her is now gone…I had always let her “test” her own boundaries run jump swim if she falls brush it off & I have to say she would try again. I am @ a true loss as what & how to pick her back up as she hadn’t even had the chance to truly experience normal child conflicts. What do I do more than I have such as Dr.s police (failed) dcf..interviews therapist that was a complete let down & left abruptly, so in hopes after a 3 months waiting tom she will meet w/ a Praying qualified woman very experienced but all by her self! Truly I just want to see her smile gain that confidence & lastly hope 1 day to gain her trust & love for me back as I have become her pain she believes her “bullies’ lies in that I don’t protect her I signed her up..very young & confused my poor angel! Any suggestions?

According to a study by University College London, risk-taking behavior peeks during adolescence
Inability properly to use the English language, on the other hand, lasts a lifetime.

You hit the nail on the head! Great article! Strong facts! Great direction!

So what do you think of a school system that buys into the mindset of keeping kids from failing? Our local system has a policy that students cannot be given less than 50% on an assignment, even if they have done nothing more than turning in a paper with their name on it. Homework is not given because “They wont’ do it, so why assign it?” If a student neglects to turn in an assignment, no problem; they can turn it in later, even several weeks later, with no consequences. Textbooks are no longer used in many classes because students lose them and many don’t read them, so, again, why bother? (And these things are just a few of the new “educational” practices.)

Well said! This has bothered me for a long time. I grew up on a farm which is a dangerous place for adults as well as children. I went bare foot a lot of times in the summer and stepped on lots of nails when I was small. By the time I entered school, I was still barefoot in the summer, but I didn’t step on nails any more. I walked to and from school, and my children did, too. However, it was more dangerous for my children to walk because they were the only “walkers” and had to watch out for the other parents who were driving their children to school. My grandchildren don’t walk unless accompanied by their mom.

Unless my girls were into a real serious situation, when they came to me to help resolve a problem (with each other, friends, teachers, whatever) my response was typically “Handle it”. They learned to deal with all kinds of conflict this way. They were born 1980, 81.

Amazing article! Well said and sorely needed! I see this way too often. I’m passing this along to as many as I can for I strongly agree and believe this should be read by everyone. Thank you.

Great article. So many times I see parents rush in to help to keep their children from failing. I always felt as a parent that if my son was going to fail at something, it was much better to have this happen at home so that I would be there to make sure he knew that the world goes on even if you have a setback. I’d like to add that a boss told one of my sons that he could tell that his parents raised him right because he wasn’t “entitled” and because he didn’t need to be micromanaged to finish something.

At last someone who has the same opinions as myself on raising children. I am a pre primary (foundation) teacher and I couldn’t agree more with what you have said. I intend to give a copy of this artical to all my parents. Well said !

Yes! But what happens when you have your children and someone elses kids together (in the car/at a playdate/outing) and you are the sole parent? My kids know that I mean busines and they follow the rules. We generally have a great time together because they are safe but free. The other kids will push boundaries and then get upset when you remind them of your expectations. They might even go down the line of “you’re not my mother (or teacher)!” I don’t mind being “worst mother in the world” to my own kids but I find it really hard when other people’s kids think I’m the worst mother! And……what do I say to our kids when their friends don’t want to come over for playdates again because they think I’m the worst mother? “You’ll thank me in 20 yrs” doesn’t cut it! Yes, they will build resilience and be stronger adults but that doesn’t help a sweet natured 7 year old girl find a best friend!
What’s the worst mom in the world to do???????

it’s all good and wonderful – but if there was an adult (or helicopter-mounted camera) walking with me to and from school, I would never have been a subject of weekly (and sometimes daily) sexual advances of perverts (flashers) who aimed 99% of their efforts at young children… I happened to be one of those kids. As a result, I am scarred for life. I wish my parents were able to protect me from that. But they didn’t.

You are talking about helicopter parents. They have been around for years this is not something new. I grew up with a helicopter mother. Yes it’s the worse thing a parent can do to their child I should know.

*peaks

We love this article!! As a Pre-K teacher I see so many parents want to hover and fix, when children need to learn valuable lessons on independence! true Facts!

Wonderful article, the only thing you did not cover was respect for themselves and others.

Your a Rock Star!! Thank you!!

I was always so frustrated when my kids elementary school insisted on feeding my child when they had forgotten their lunch, then turned around and said we had to pay for it. I tried several times to get them to let it go, but they wouldn’t. Their compassion for taking care of the kids interfered with the consequences I was trying to teach my child. They also wanted us to get a lunch account for our kids so that the kids could just “charge” their lunch. We refused and gave the kids cash once a week to buy what they wanted. People also looked at me funny when I allowed my son to go without a coat because he wanted to.

Amen! Thank you for affirming what I preach to anyone who will listen! I wish I could require parents to read this and research for themselves how true this is!

“According to a study by University College London, risk-taking behavior peeks during adolescence.” Do we mean “peaks”?

I think you’re right. My boys did their homework and then out the door they went to the backyard and the woods. They’re grown and successful and have plenty of sense.

I must have had terrible parents. i survived cars with no seatbelts and bicycles with no padding or helmets. I did some world class stupid things, I fell off a dock into the pacific ocean but lived, because they tossed me in a pool and taught me to swim. Fell out of a bunch of trees and many jungle gyms. I walked to school in rain and snow. That’s why we had raincoats, galloshes and snowboots. When i commited world class stupidity that affected other people I had to go apologize. i didn’t get a free pass to blame someone else. I got spanked a few times over the years. Because i deserved it. I imagine the trolls from child services would have been at our door regularly if we had the same rules then as now. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

The word “mean” was used a lot to describe parenting styles early on in the comments. I agree that if you don’t upset your child sometimes you’re not doing your job as a parent but I also have to clarify the word ‘mean’ because I’ve seen so many moms who were going to tough love but they took it way too far all the way to downright mean and unnecessary. (I saw one “strict” mom make her 3 year old take her time out by locking her outside in the snow – as if that really showed her to listen). The way we handle ourselves, our voices, our tempers as parents is so essential. I want my kids to see me have firm, and immovable boundaries without screaming. I really want my kids to know I can say no and not get nasty. I want them to see me cool myself down when I’m frustrated and know I expect the same from them. Therein lies the essential difference between being a ‘mean mom’ aka a mom who has boundaries, a mom (like the moms here) who are doing what’s right for their kids instead of what’s easy and a mom who is just plain mean. I love the article btw and think it hit the nail on the nose.

Oh yea. right on. I teach Biology in a High School. As the last five years have intensified this over protection from risks I now find about half of my students as a Freshman in high school have never lit a match. never been allowed a matchbook in their hand! they even are amazed that i would trust them to light a bunsen burner with a live match!. I find myself training them on the basic skills of lighting a match. this may sound strange, I thought so at first wnen it was one or two kids but now its widespread!.
comeon mom and dad, lighten up a little. HAHA.
Dennis Slotnick, Teacher, Clay high School, oregon, Ohio.

do you have any children?

Let me chime in as one more teacher who has seen too much of these behaviors from parents, and witnessed the adverse effects they have on the child. Thank you!

So thankful for articles like this. As a mom, I want to raise a resilient, confident, and stable children who can take care of themselves in this world. Helicopter and over-involved parents are causing a generation of children who can’t do anything for themselves, have no accountability or responsibility, and no strong sense of self. I just finished reading “The Price of Privilege” which touches on a lot of these things as well, but ties in the reality of how affluence and money is causing a worse-off generation of parents and kids. Thanks for your work and voice towards changing the parenting styles that have become so prevalent in our country.

one of the best articles i have read about raising kids hands down. you hit the nail on the head. LOVED THIS ARTICLE. every parent should read this.

THank you very much

loved the part about how kids today get a trophy even if the team loses every game, never shows up to practice and doesn’t even try. But in today’s society your still a winner. That is total bullshit in the real world.

thank you. from manhattan beach, ca

Sadly, I think it is all about parental guilt. Parents need to think a moment about their need for all the things. it’s not about the things — it’s about the human connection.

I loved the article and then found the parent-bashing-by-teachers unpalatable. Teachers have my children for one quarter of the day, not all of it. Then 2-3 hours homework is sent home when my child has spent 2 hours, during school hours, with a council worker learning how to ride a bike on the road, for a bike licence. My child got his ‘bike licence’ because WE had taught him to ride a bike, on our time. Yet, he is struggling in his literacy, like really struggling? This, I cannot reconcile. I send him to school because it is law and education is his right in this country. He can ride a bike because his father sends hours teaching him, but can he read all the signs? No, we are teaching him that in his homework that gets sent home.It has been interesting to hear from this forum, how teachers view parents & how much they feel we are making their jobs harder because of what they perceive to be our failings. I make many mistakes as a mother, a human. Should I become a teacher to relieve myself of that mallady? I only struggle with educators when they blur the lines between my home & kaupapa and their obligations as educators of MY CHILDREN, 18 out of 24 trumps 6 out of 24 for 5 days of a school term. If you want respect, give it. Treat others the way you want to be treated…all the things we want to teach our children.Thanks for the article, I have learned alot & will take away some positive lessons. I am not a perfect parent, like some have spouted. I hustle everyday to do what is right. But I am willing to learn. I hope we ALL never stop learning. Thank you Dr Tim….it’s been….enlightening (sorry for any grammatical errors, my English teacher taught me how to understand my ‘sads’)

A very wise person once told me there is a great difference in a good parent and a responsible parent.

Great article the best one I have seen in ages on child raising, it really broadens my thinking on what I was already seeing. …. That we need to build resilience with our children. I dont know what you think but I believe we as parents need to be able to separate out children from the inadequacies and fears we have ie let our chidlren feel uncomfortable, let them know disappointment. Take them out of the constant competing that we put them through because we want to look like “terrific”parents or to “fit in”!!! I have made lots of mistakes as a parent and I have needed to be open to this fact. I sometimes think we as parents also dont want to feel uncomfortable or wrong so we gloss over what mistakes we might make, or we dimiss anyone who might challenge us. I have had to have a good look at the parenting I have done and some of it wasnt pretty. Fortunately those mistakes have actually built resilience in my adult chidlren, they have been forgiving enough and kind enough to let me know this.

I appreciate this article. It is all I believe in but still have difficulty implementing these things with my own kids. It makes sense to me but I still struggle with the letting go piece. I’m look for the middle ground, the guiding, the knowledge of what is developmentally appropriate. This is a well articulated reminder of why we need to make informed decisions and have perspective when raising our kids, and teaching our students. We must not, and can not cave into the over emotional cotton wrapping that has defined this time in 1st world parenting. Take the trainer wheels off their bikes as soon as they understand pedaling, get rid of the safety nets around the trampoline when they can jump with agility, let them climb, swing, jump, and occasionally fall, “awesome” is for life changing events,failure is still a crucial part of success, preserve the sanctity of these things. But most of all, talk to them, challenge our kids to think, to reflect, and to make some sort of sense to the what and why. Enjoy life!

Interesting article. I’ve been living overseas for so long that when I became a parent, mostly I used my memory to guide my parenting. We used to climb trees, ride bicycles helmetless, and fight with sticks. I survived it. All the kids I know survived it. I feel my job as a parent is to maximize the rewards while minimizing the risks. So my 8yo is rollerblading, with helmet and pads. She’s pushing her boundaries, going faster and I’m… gritting my teeth. I notice that when she climbs trees or a climbing frame, she has a good feel for where her limits lie, and their often beyond the point where my heart and breathing rates have increased.

“Obviously, negative risk taking should be discouraged, such as smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.” Did your lawyer make you put that one in? Smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs and et ceteras also have their rewards as well as their risks. If you’re bringing up a child to deal with the real world, you have to hope that by the time they’re letting go of the apron strings, they have enough nouse to make an informed choice. That said, hands up who never did anything stupid in their youth. They’re going to do things that you don’t approve of and that will worry you.

I think there’s a difference between calling up your college student to make sure he’s wearing a jacket, and not letting your child face a truly dangerous situation. Of course they have to learn how to be independent. But it’s also important for kids to learn that humans aren’t invincible, even if they’re “the bravest kid in the neighborhood!” (for example, the example of biking outside during a man-hunt that someone commented below). This could result in a death, not a skinned knee. I grew up in a forest, and we were always allowed to play outside without parent supervision. We’d get minor injuries, come across situations we’d have to solve ourselves, get lost and have to find our way back etc. and that’s great because I’m now an independent adult. But I’m also not completely blind to the forces of nature or dangerous people, but not because I was allowed to face those things alone. If there was a rabid animal on the loose in the forest, my parents would make us stay inside. That did the OPPOSITE of creating a dependent, frightened adult – it created an adult who respected her parents’ authority and understood that they cared about my well-being. My parents instilled a very balanced perspective in me, which makes me inclined to protect my kids (which, when I have kids, will be an important part of my job as a parent), but never baby them or spoil them. There’s definitely such a thing as a happy medium.
Anyway, thanks for the insightful and well-written article. I enjoyed it, and I think it would definitely be a positive change if today’s overbearing parents took on a little more of this perspective.

Generation iY was funded by Chick Fila if anyone cares to know. Keep perspective. I totally agree with this article, just not that entire book.

Excellent article. I have always believed scars from our childhood are almost always good memories. Like the time I crashed my bike racing a friend. I’m from that generation who grew up ‘outside’ so Mom could get things done around the house. (If I didn’t have chores to do myself). T.V. was three channels that went off the air around midnight. We were thrilled when we won a blue ribbon for something, and happy for our friends if they won. We weren’t crushed if we didn’t get the ribbon, trophy, or prize. We just worked harder so next time we might be the ones who won. We got grades in school showing exactly what we had earned in that subject and our parents looked at our report cards to see where they needed to give us a bit of extra tutoring so we could do better. While the time I grew up in was not perfect by any means, I really do believe it did a much better job preparing us for life as it really is, not as some people wished it would be. There is great satisfaction gained from working hard for a goal and getting there. It lessens the value of achieving that goal by giving everyone a prize for just showing up. Today we give too much to those who do not try at the cost of those who do work hard. Great article Dr. Elmore.

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I have a friend who manages people at a large company in Minneapolis. He says that at year’s end when reviews are done, invariably, he’ll get a call from some of his employee’s parents complaining to him about the bad report their child got! Can you believe that? These people are in their early twenties!

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I agree with this article and I want to take some of the pressure off the parents. Parents did not create this situation overnight and there is a lot of societal pressure to make things “safe.” Think of security screening at airports, warnings on all sorts of ordinary household items. Even if a parents wants to be more of a risk taker – let their child ride the bike around the neighborhood, walk somewhere by themselves – they can face immense pressure from others who will rebuke the parents for allowing their children to take risks. So yes we as parents need to encourage healthy risk taking, risking failure, resiliency and we need to change the culture as well.

Thank you. This has been on my mind, You said it much better than I.

I really enjoyed this article, I am not a professional, just a mother of 3 grown successfull daughters; everything I read made sense. I believe children who are allowed to fail every so often find out that they will survive the ordeal and it appears to make them more determined and when they do succeed its because they have put the effort in and the rewards are totally theirs to enjoy.

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My wife jokingly sent this article to me this morning as we have a 1 yr old daughter who in my opinion isn’t allowed to fall down enough. I could not agree more with your article and am encouraged that many others share in this opinion from all of the positive comments. If children aren’t allowed to learn valuable lessons about both success and failure at an early age they will most certainly learn them later in life with much more serious consequences. I especially liked your point that our jobs as parents isn’t to make our children “like” us and have material objects as pacifiers . Spending time teaching your children and also learning from them is invaluable. I was lucky enough to have someone come into my life during my mid teens that did all of the things you suggest to this day. The only way I can ever repay that is to pass along the same type of message to my children. Thank you for the wonderful insight and I look forward to future information.

Hmmmm…some risks are worth taking a chance on, some are not…there are some things that we consider “the norm” in this day and age which were not so years ago…which is correct? which is better? Some things our North American culture think are “the norm” and other cultures do not…living with your parents for longer, forinstance, is not the norm in our culture and time but very normal for other cultures…maybe that is why we have such a problem looking after our elderly in North America now…who knows…relationships and parenting are pretty complex issues…
I think part of today’s problem too, is that young people are spending less and less time building mentoring relationships with responsible adults, building very few relationships with people outside of their cohort, and spending ever increasing amounts of time with people around there own age. This builds a very warped perspective of reality…they tend to only see what their age groups sees…value what their age groups values…I would like to see some studies addressing that…it would be interesting…if you look at history, children spent way more time in mixed age groups, learning at a very young age from people of all ages…I think that would make most kids feel “less anxious, depressed, arrogant, insecure”…our century has actually been the “abnormal one” in that we expect our youngsters to spend so much time with only youngsters…

Add to the fact that we force kids to only hang with kids for so long, we then remove any sort of moral compass and code, like definiton of right and wrong, fair play, not cheating, definition of family, etc. and say “It’s all relative!” Then bombard them with all the sensationalist, negative, doom and gloom images in the media. I’m thinking that might also build arrogance, insecurity, unkindness, confusion…etc…It’s pretty hard to point at parental overprotectiveness as the only source when there other HUGE issues out there.

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I’m not sure exactly why, but this article rubs me the wrong way. I agree that kids need to take risks, be praised in constructive ways, and allowed to fail, but I guess the thing that bothers me is the assumption that we, as parents, have control over these factors and can manipulate the circumstances to make our children successful. I think we spend too much time on what we are doing as parents (and people) and not enough time on who we are being. The key, here, is that one way, our kids control our lives, while the other way, our lives are our own. The difference is subtle, but important.

What a great article. I absolutely agree with it I have experienced so many of these parents. I have taught in a Montessori classroom with mixed ages of 3-6 and have seen the full gambit of parenting skills. We were trained in using ‘honest’ praise, not just the ‘good job’ but rather comment on their efforts, choices, etc. We see that even young children need to have boundaries, and they always test them. The more certain the boundaries the more confidence the children showed. They too are risk takers, how else can they learn. At a stage in life when they are learning everything in order to function and be independent. Velcro while a marvelous invention, is so overused as far as young children are concerned. We taught how to tie a bow and the joy and pride children had in being able to do so. in taking away I also see our society taking away many opportunities for youth to work. For instance youth used to do paper routes, great training for responsibility and good work ethics. Then no, they too young and routes taken over by adults with trucks. There is also a fear of the ‘law’. Some of our kids were taught in school that if they thought their parents were abusive they should ‘report’ them. they could tell them at school. Our kids wound up threatening to report us when we insisted they do any chores around the house, like clear the table, mow the grass, etc or taking away privileges as consequences. i understand about not allowing true abuse, but …many parents are afraid to set limits or discipline in fear of maybe being reported to child protective services.

How about not indoctrinating kids into religion. Let them make their own decisions on the supernatural when they come of age and not brainwash them at a malleable age. The world would be a much different place.

I just would like to point out… how can we let our kids be more independent when other helicopter parents shake their heads at us and judge us as being reckless or stupid? My kids haven’t had broken bones, were sicker when they were little but it made them healthier now, and I teach them that they have to work hard and earn things that mom and dad will be there but cannot always do everything for them. If I am 25 feet away from my kids upstairs from a playground people would call me a terrible Mom. Why? Because I am not downstairs right there 5 feet away… and they have learned that they have to do things themselves. Not everything but reasonable things based on age. The way I was raised. I feel that it is slightly more dangerous but I still feel that you don’t have to hover over their every move or they will never be able to do anything for themselves. And to the people who when I tell my kids NO in the store when they don’t deserve whatever it is who say give it to them just to shut them up… just mind your own business. Unless they are in immediate danger, don’t intervene!!! I am not raising spoiled brats just because you are annoyed for a few measly minutes in line. You’ll thank me later.

I couldn’t agree more! I am 31 but grew up as an inner city youth or should I say, “Youth At Risk.” I can honestly say many risks were taken and they paid off (mostly ) .. Many of my friends took too many risks but my parents balanced this and put trust into these calculated risks.. Growing up we had very little money but now that I have an established career and a family of my own I can honestly say I feel fortunate for this upbringing. I got to be a kid! I heard things like, “Crying isn’t going to get you no where.” “Money doesn’t grow on trees”… “Work hard kid..You have a good head on your shoulders.” … So many memories and lessons were made climbing fences, living at the, “Rec center,” dealing with friend conflicts ON MY OWN, walking 1hour to get to practice and work (cleaning hotel rooms). Thankful/humbled/strong/ growing/vision for a need… Many tears were shed but these are the same tears that allow me to fight for those who need the help in society! Leaders are not born they are created by the hands of society!

Tim, while I agree with your article 100%, I would like to bring up the fact of violence today. Back in the day we didn’t have to worry if our playmate at the playground was going to take out a 38 and start shooting if he didn’t win at marbles (an extreme situation but you get the point). You just didn’t hear of those things in the news, ever. I think parents become paranoid and want to protect their children from those types of things so the paranoia trickles down to even the minor things. Your article was right on.

I spend a lot of my time at parks and play groups looking like the bad mother because I don’t rescue my son every time he hits a barrier. We live on a farm with pitchforks, nails, sharp-beaked fowl and heavy machinery. Shielding him would never help. I can’t cover him in bubble wrap, in fact he doesn’t even wear shoes! And guess what? He is 21 months old and he knows how to navigate every inch of our farm. He knows where he can go and where he cannot go, what will hurt and what is safe. He knows these things because I let him explore and even though I am always close by I am not holding his hand. We are living in a generation of parents who don’t want to say no and are afraid of letting their children be children. It’s hard to raise a child in this time without looking negligent but I stand by my choice to take a take a step back and let my son learn to be a boy and someday a man.

What a bunch of garbage! We can let our children take risks while minimizing them. Are you suggesting that we toss out car-seats and helmets and let some children be seriously injured or die so that the ones who survive will be stronger? Since when does children staying home mean they are afraid to leave? In past generations children often stayed at home until they married and then lived next door to their parents. That didn’t make them afraid it made the family unit stronger. These days with unemployment and the cost of living so high many children stay home longer for a myriad of reasons. Because they can’t yet afford a place of their own. To save money to buy a house instead of paying rent somewhere. Because a parent is ill and needs their help… I’m sure there are many more that do not mean the child is weak. As for some of the examples you gave, well those parents have a whole other set of issues. As for number 3 it isn’t how often you rave, it’s how you rave. Children who get to little praise grow up to have self-esteem issues, are afraid they can’t do things right no matter how hard they try, are often depressed and fail at relationships because when things get rocky the blame themselves. Don’t parent by extremes! Use your heart to tell you what is right. Never ignore a child who is in distress. That doesn’t mean you have to jump in and do it for them. But you can encourage them to find a way to do it. Then praise them for working through a problem. You can teach them to take acceptable risks, instead of proceeding “at any risk.” People who write these types of stories are trying to justify their choices by crucifying the parenting styles of others. Often with little idea of what those styles really are. They use studies that were designed to have the outcome they desire to prove they’re right. With the thousands of studies out there I can easily do the same to prove exactly the opposite. I’m tired of stories that try to bully others into changing their parenting styles. I wonder what type of children you are raising when you teach them intolerance for others.

as a teacher and a parent, this could not have been better said. Bravo!!!

I CANT BELIEVE THIS CRAP YOUR WRITTING DR,YOU MUST NOT HAVE KIDS OR PAID ATTENTION TO HOW FAR DOWN THE TOILET THIS WORLDS GONE! ALLOWING KIDS TO WALK TO SCHOOL THESE DAYS OR WALK ANYWERE THESE DAYS “I DONT THINK SO”…MANKIND TOOK THE LORD OUT OF SCHOOLS,SO OUR KIDS ARE NOT REALLY PROTECTED THERE! THAN MANKIND TWISTED THE WORD OF GOD & NOW IS TRYING TO POUND DOWN OUR KIDS THROAT THE HOMOSEXUAL GAYNESS CROSS DRESSING TRANSVESTITE IS OK WITH GOD & “IT IS SO NOT”…MANKIND TOOK “OUR LORD” OUT OF EVERYTHING & THATS WHY WE HAVE MORE SICKNESS & DISEASE,MURDERS & CHILD ABDUCTIONS & EVERYTHING NASTY AGAINST CHILDREN & BIG COMPANIES TRYING TO POISION OUR FOOD & COMMIT “LEGAL” GENICIDE THROUGH OUR FOOD CHAIN & A GOVERNMENT THAT DOESNT CARE ABOUT ITS PEOPLE & THEY ARE IN GOVERNMENT FOR THE $$$$ BECAUSE THEY ARE LAZY & CANT WORK A DAYS LABOR IN THEIR LIFE & THEY THINK THEIR INTITLED! NOW NEED I GO ON & ON BECAUSE I CAN! OH YES ONE MORE THING & THEN THERE ARE TRUE “IDIOTS” LIKE YOU DR THAT THINK THEY KNOW SOMETHING WHEN YOU DONT! SO SHUT YOUR FLIPPER FLAPPIN SWAZAKOO LIPS BECAUSE YOU ARE BLIND TO THE GOINGS ON AROUND YOU IN THIS WORLD & YOU ARE THE SHE MAN THAT GIVES OFF FALSE WORDS & ADVICE & SENDS OUR CHILDREN TO DARKNESS! SO SHUT UP & GET A “REAL” JOB!!!

Second paragraph claims that ‘research now shows that our “over-protection, over-connection” style has damaged them’. What research? I am not taking a stand on the other content, but making a claim without providing any way to verify sounds dubious. Research has shown it.

Dr. Tim,
Do you recommend a particular type of education or early child care philosophy to help with this? Montessori seems like it would share similarities with your recommendations here.

I adopted three kids later in life and as a result there is decade between myself and most of the other parents I am in contact with. I tend to raise my children the way I was…They take their bikes to the playground down the road… They don’t have playdates.. They walk to their friends house and if the parent doesn’t want them to play.. I would hope that they would send them home. And God forbid…. they often play in the woods outback.. My oldest now 14 goes to the lake by herself.. with the instructions that if there is not an adult on the beach.. please don’t go in.. come home and get me and I will come down . She is also responsible for her own lunch for school.. When she doesn’t make a lunch.. she is pretty hungry when she gets home.. but the next day, she makes a lunch. They have boundaries and for the most part, they stay within them and make their own choices. When they don’t, I find out. ( We live in a small town) I do not do their homework… I expect that if it is not done, the school will deal with that ( They don’t which frustrates me…but it is a school problem.) I do not solve their fights with peers.. and I also expect that they will not be invited to every birthday party in their class and that there my be other children who don’t like them for one reason or another. Do you like everyone that you work with? When someone else’s child hurts my child’s feelings .. I don’t get on the phone and arrange a meeting to work it out.. Chances are they will forget about it tomorrow anyway. .. If they take something that is not theirs.. They take it back themselves. They sometimes get grounded.. and I often hear ” I hate you.” If my child doesn’t eat the suggested servings of vegetables in a day.. I don’t panic.. They aren’t showing any signs of scurvy. My kids pick out their own outfits.. most times they don’t match.. and sometimes the shirt is on inside out.. IT doesn’t bother them.. so I try not to let it bother me. I am strict with my kids when it comes to manners and commitment and follow through.. You signed up for soccer.. you are going to soccer…. and sometimes I let things go that other’s wouldn’t. I pick my battles. When they come home with A’s I am thrilled.. When they come home with C’s I am thrilled. School is a challenge for them.. The A in language arts won’t mean a hill of beans when you are applying for your first job. They don’t get grading presents.. They are expected to grade.. Sometimes I yell .. and sometimes I drop the “F Bomb” I am talked about by other parents . I know that. Sometimes my kids seems to be the only ones in the community outside.. However, my kids are creative, healthy ,are developing social values and are excepting of differences in themselves and others. and more important are good citizens. They are learning the importance of making sound decisions and what happened when you make poor choices. They sometimes stay up late on school nights.. especially if it is snowing and their is a need for a family snowball fight. They suffer consequences of their actions and are learning to take responsibility for them. Do I think I am the worlds best mom.. I know I am not. I am far from it.. ( Sometimes I send them to the playground down the road.,. so I can just have a little bit of quiet) But when my job is done , If I have contributing members of society that call me Mom.. I will have done my job.

I am only 25 years old but I grew up over seas and I wasn’t exposed to the over protectiveness that most of my peers experienced in the USA. I can see what you are saying so well spelled out in my peer group that I have, till now, not really understood. I didn’t have a computer that I could play my days away at, or even cable tv. I plaid in the dirt and on park equipment that would make most american parents have a heart attack. But I survived and have some great memories and some not so great memories. I broke my collar bone twice and learned to function with a slight disability for a while. I learned that rewards come with effort and accomplishment and that every decision I made had a consequence weather good or bad. I am so glad I read this because it helps me honestly understand my peers better and what not to “buy into” when I become a mom.

Yes this is a great article although somehow “Dad” is perfect or completely absent? Another article though that makes it all moms fault…yawn

Thanks for the great article Tim. This is spot on for the way that I try to raise my son. I always try to allow him to experience things for himself and learn from his own mistakes. I think our modern society is broken when it comes to how we raise our children (not everyone but as a whole). Some people think that by allowing your child to experience a risky situation, that it is bad parenting…..I think it is the opposite. It is the best learning situation and allows you to really parent. Many people would disagree with me giving my 6 year old a bow and arrow, however, it was a great way for me to teach responsibility and how important it is to focus.
Again, thanks for the article. It was written very well.

This is right on the money! In my last 3 years of 31 in education, teachers were required to be on not only bus duty, but car duty (which entailed opening the car doors for children), and walker duty (which included ascertaining that the child was met by their correct guardian). While it totally eroded my planning time, that was never my main issue with it. My own children attended the same school, but they learned to look both ways before crossing the street, and the children who walked home did, as well. And, I know most kids open their own car doors at home!
Most districts now post assignments and grades on the internet so students and parents can monitor it. But, sometimes it is valuable for a child to learn how to pull themselves back from the edge of the cliff.
The next 20 years for employers is going to be really interesting to watch!!

“Is the world that much more dangerous? Statistically, no.” And without a situation on this huge claim I as forced to quit reading the article entirely. I thought you’d like to know, as a parent I do my research thoroughly. I require situations, statistics, and proof.

You know what ticks me off about this article? There is an underlying assumption that “mistakes” are causing the ills of this generation and that they have been made by the parents and teachers. While I do not dispute that the dramatic swing from when I was a kid to the time my own three were being raised brought forth a lot of conversation through the years with friends about those differences in upbringing, the truth is my generation of parents and teachers truly have felt as though we had little choice in the matter. I sat through many a “parent night” at schools from elementary up, (and yes, parent orientation at colleges!) where we were told that our involvement, and lots of it, was the key to success in all areas of student life. And on another side as a youth worker I saw hundreds of parents, weary from schedules kept in colors on huge calendars, leave the spiritual side to me if there was time left over. (And I do not blame them one bit – I was living their schedule and I get their needed trust in me and in our teams.) I now watch my friends with younger students, and see new things from the college packets talking about “independance, do it on your own, blah blah blah and just watch, the swing will go waaaaay back to zero involvement as scared parents and teachers feel they are watching a ruined, lazy bunch of 20 somethings who can’t hold a job. EVERYONE is responsible for generational changes and they are a part of history. This generation didn’t choose to be in debt before graduation, and they didn’t ask their parents and teachers to be involved, and yet they are making the best of it, even if financially they may always struggle. Every parent and every teacher has to do their best to find some sort of central space without blame, and although the concept of delayed adolescence may be a today’s truth, we cannot lay the blame solely at the feet of educators and parents who did their best. We also cannot separate those who are now raising kids from the knowledge and experiences of those just before them, but instead should find ways to learn from the good, toss out as much of the bad as possible, and not assume there is only one way.

I like what you say and agree with almost everything. My daughter has been raising her children this way (age 9 and 5 1/2) and has added, no t.v., hand held devices or anything that disconnects them from the world. They are smart, happy, confident, bi/tri lingual, never bored, creative and love books.
The thing I disagree with you on is the reason for some of the fear for our childrens safety, that we did not have growing up. (I am in my early 60’s) or raising our children (my daughters in their early 40’s) Phrases like child abduction and human trafficing didn’t exist. Playing on monkey bars did not involve a law suit if we got hurt. Child pornography was not at your fingertips. Someone coming into school and shooting your child was not a fear. Its a different world out there than when we were kid and that’s something that has to be acknowledged whether we like it or not. I wish it was different but its not.

This what one perceived as an older college student. A parent of the student contacted the students adviser demanded grade up dates weakly. Then one day, while talking to my ad visor, I proceeded to look right at the parent and said,”they are a college student now, they are a grown adult, what they want mom to know they will share. What they do not want mom to know that won’t. ” Then I looked at that mom and said,”if you are not certain that Jonny or Suzi is mature enough for college, then perhaps they need to pay for their own education. Bare in mind all the ad visor’s in that office wanted to say what this gal just did but were afraid for their jobs.

I’m glad you said likely when you said, “teens likely need to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend to appreciate the emotional maturity that lasting relationships require. I disagree with letting kids date to early. They are not ready for marriage so they are learning to break up, not stay together.

You certainly deserve a round of applause for your post and more specifically, your blog in general. Very high quality material.

barco clickshare

There is an advertisement in NZ that has a catch line at the end..

“the only thing that should be soft is our bread” – Tip Top Bread

I loved this article and helpful advice at the end, i’m a tree climber and knee scraper, and I want this generation to be comfortable doing the same.

“Our world needs resilient adults not fragile ones.” – Tim Elmore

Thanks.

Sometimes I too fear that I am sheltering my children (but with the best intentions)! I am recently divorced and don’t want to be an overbearing mother. I have recently come under attack on my blog by a blogging group called Dalrock.for my parenting skills and personal choices. They believe that my children will end up soft or women haters because of the divorce. I am looking for men on this site to help me to show that although I am not a male, my children will not be able to excel at life. I don’t believe that is the case. I found your article to not be shaming us as parents, ut actually giving us the opportunity to find areas in which we can do better (even if that means taking a more hands-off approach). I appreciate the way that this article will allow kids to be kids, and teens to be teens.

Great article and I think that some of these things are true for some parents and some students but we are not all the same. We should not make these type of generalizations about anything. My daughter and I are both of the parent/child age group that you are referring and I have been careful to not make these mistakes. My daughter is a bright, funny, well adjusted young lady in her 3rd year of university. She works almost full time at McDonalds while carrying a full course load and has a car payment that she pays for by herself. I work in technology so I am not an educator or anything like that but one thing that I have observed is that a lot of people had issues with the way they were raised or the way they were treated as a child so they throw everything out the window. Childhoods are rarely all good or all bad, there is a mix so newer parents need to be objective and carry on with the things that are good and try to improve on the things that were not good. You don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

Pretty much spot on!

Oh my God, I’m so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

Thanks EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

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My name is Sonia, and i live in uk.I have been through hell and pain,looking for a good and real spell caster who can help me get my husband back.I have been scammed so many times,by some who claimed to be real spell casters.until i found the real and great spell caster ADAGBASPIRITUSLTEMPLE who helped me,and solved all my problems concerning my boyfriend who left me since eight months ago.and after that i also took my friend along,who was also having the same problem concerning her husband,who left her since five months ago,and the problem was also solved by the same ADAGBASPIRITUALTEMPLE”. Can’t you see! the real and great spell caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact this same address whenever you are in any problem related to spell casting.It took me a very long period of time,before i could get this real and great spell caster.So right now “adagbaspiritualtemple@gmail.com” is here,and the best for you to solve your problems…….
adagbaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

………………

This is really great and so helpful. Thanks a lot!
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Hello everyone i want to share a live testimony on how Dr Alex was able to bring my husband back to me, myself and my husband were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..
My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until i met Dr Alex the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Dr Alex cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seen results about the spell….
Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Alex all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Alex kindly mail him on( solutionhelpcentre@gmail.com ) or his website (http://solutionhelpcentre.webs.com) or call him on +2347036013351, Sir i will forever recommend you!!!

Oh my God, I’m so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

Thanks EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (CAMARALOVESPELL@LIVE.COM} tel.+2347051705853) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

Am very happy to tell every one to hear my testimony will say. am Gloribel Stancy from united state,am a nurse,this story of my love life.I have been married for 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr. Ehi have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self.You can contact him with this email address {drudebhuluspelltemple@yahoo.com} or {drudebhuluspelltemple@gmail.com} or you can still call him on his mobile +2349038669448 Thank you Dr Ehi. I am sure he will do same to help you too.

i want to express how grateful i am, because i finally got what i have been looking for. My husband left me and our kids i have tried all my possible best to reach him but is like every time i tried, i am making things worst for myself. But thank the God that lead me to DR OYE of ABUYE SPELL TEMPLE, he helped me to restore the love my husband had for me back within 3days of me contacting him. he came back just as DR OYE told me, he will make him come back. if you are in situation like this kindly contact DR OYE on his email abuyespelltemple@gmail.com

When kids get to high school and go out for sports, they learn important lessons – some kids make the varsity team, some don’t. Some get a letter in their chosen sport; some don’t. Some play every minute, every game – some…not so much. Some work all year long, and it shows. Some start working out when practices begin – and that shows. The *lesson* these kids will absorb, though, can be different. Some will take away “I’m a winner!” even if they don’t make varsity, don’t letter, and don’t play much. Others will come away with “I’m a loser!” if they blow one play, even though the team wins most of their games. If more kids can be persuaded to see themselves as winners it’ll be a better planet.

My name is Windy Wagner from united kingdom i am here to thank DR OLA the powerful spell caster that rescue me from HIV AIDS. I was diagnosed of this disease in the year 2012, and because of this, i was very unhappy with my life, and i went into research on how i can get cured, i contacted a lot of spell casters and none of them could help me rather they scammed me and took away my money without helping me. All this period of my life, i was sad and unhappy so one day as i was in the INTERNET i decided to sign in a friend guest book, only for me to see a testimony of a lady on how she was helped by DR OLA so i was confused to contact him at the moment because i didn’t want to be scammed again but after one week, i decided to contact him, so when i contacted him, he assure me that he will help me and i told him that many spell casters has also told me this but they all scammed me, he told me not to worry that he is going to help me, So i believe in him because all i wanted was to be cured, so he prepared a healing spell for me and told me to wait for just 24 hours, after 24 hours, i went to the hospital for test and to my happiness the test stated that i was cured from the disease.. This gladdens my heart and everybody in the hospital was surprised even the Medical Doctor, So viewers DR OLA is a God Gifted man and can help you to cure all types of sickness like HIV AIDS, CANCER, PILE, Kidney problem, Syphilis and lot’s more. You can contact him through his email on DROLAHEALINGCENTER@GMAIL.COM or you call him +2348100368288,,,,

Am Sevda Gulea i want to thank Dr. DR EBOEHI for getting my lover back to me within 48 hours. When my lover left me i was so tired and frustrated till i search the internet for help and i saw so many good talk about Dr. DR EBOEHI of (supernaturalspelltemple@gmail.com) and i decided to give him a try and i contact him and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get my husband back. If you want to get your lover back contact DR EBOEHI via email: (supernaturalspelltemple@gmail.com DR EBOEHI the great man that is able to bring back

I have been in great bondage for about 4 years
suffering in the hands of a cheating husband. We were living happily
until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her again
outside our marriage and before i knew it he stopped caring for his own
family, to the extent that he was planning to marry her and divorce me. I
cried and reported him to his family members but he never listened to
anyone and to cut the story short, i came in search for a real spell
caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me
and our 2 kids again; on my search i saw people sharing testimony on
how their marriage was restored by Dr. Eze Malaka and i pick his email
and told him the problem that i was going through, and he agreed to help
me and told me never to worry. After he had finished casting the spell,
on the second day, they both had a quarrel and he beat up his
girlfriend and he came back home begging me to forgive him that his eyes
are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family
again and promise to be a caring father and never to cheat on me again.
I am so happy that i did not lose him to the girl and all appreciation
goes to Dr. Eze Malaka for his great work. You are a Great spell caster
and to you all that are faced with this or similar problem to this,
please contact him now on extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com

My name is lius Francisca, and I base in U.S.A…My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Zulu, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Lydia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Jatto E-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him VIA Email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Jatto, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man… If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High drjattosplltemple@gmail.com anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here’s his Email drjattosplltemple@gmail.com OR CALL +2349035512062.

1. GETTING YOUR EX BACK
2. WINNING LOTTERIES.
3. CHILD BEARING.
4. BREAKING OF GENERATION COURSE.
5. GETTING OF JOB.
6. JOB PROMOTION.
7. MONEY SPELL.
8. SPIRITUAL PROTECTION.
9. HERBAL CARE.
10. BEAUTY SPELL.

My name is audrey, I almost took my life because of my ex who left me and stop picking my calls. He said do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince him, but he will not believe me until we had a fight and broke up for 8months, after then I realize I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called DR Agbadi, he cast a spell for me and behold my ex came back after three days, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr Agbadi still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr Agbadi SPELL via his email: dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com.

Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. it all started when i Travel to UK to spend my holiday with my friend,i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when i came back from UK i saw him with a lady kissing, i was frustrated and it gives me sleepless night. I called my friend told her what happened and she introduce me to a spell cater who helped her long time ago. Which i contact him and i never believed that the spell will work so easily because i have contacted many spell casters to get him back all they do is to take my money with no result. I am happy to tell you all that my boyfriend is back and committed to me alone and he do whatever i ask him to do with love and care. All thanks to Dr Agbadi the great magician who helped me to restore my boy friend to me:dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com.. Email this powerful and authentic spell caster via email now: dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com

I am David Eric,I want to say thank to dr.trust for everything he did in my life. To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one like you at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read so many testimonials of dr.tust how he help people to get back their ex lover. dr.tust answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my ex girlfriend back. So my story is that I was at my office when the girl I suppose to marry told me that she wasn’t in love with me and never will it be and that she didn’t want to speak or see me again, especially since she was talking to this other guy. i email dr.trust and tell him everything.he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the one that was to get her back to me and stay with me and to marry me.As soon as he finish the spells, my girlfriend came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful to him, that is why i am sharing this testimony to those who need his help. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what dr.trust said would happen. I’m very happy for the love spell dr.trust have done for me, my ex girlfriend is now back to me and we are living so happy. if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! contact is email address (ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com tell +2348156885231) David Eric

THANKS TO Dr Brave FOR HELPING ME GET PREGNANT AFTER SEVERAL YEARS WITHOUT A CHILD

Hello everyone, am Jack Wellman am From Miami Beach, United States I need to share the good story of my life with everyone in this forum, that’s why am posting this little message. Me and my wife, we have been a barren since the time when we got married, I have tried all my possible best to get my wife pregnant after when we got married, We consulted so many doctors, and she did so many tests, but all the result says her Womb is very flexible and she may not be able to pregnant due to the flexibility of her womb. But not until when I traveled to New York City for my vacation when I met a spell caster who specialized in any kind of spell that help me out and change our status from a barren to a father and mother. After when I met this spell caster online, I told him all my problems and he promise to help me out. He casted a spell for me which my wife used for just 1 week, though am not the type who always believe in a spell before, but due to the shame and sorrow am facing, I had to submit myself to him. But believe me, the man really confused me with his power, presently I believe in spell because the spell he casted for my me really worked. My wife got pregnant after when we apply the spell as we were directed by the man ..the pregnancy has resulted to a baby girl some days ago. Incas if there is any woman who have a similar problem with my wife, you can just try to contact the man, and am very sure he will surely help you out. Just try to give the man a trial and I promise you will surely be happy at last just like the way me and my wife is happy now. You can reach the man through his email EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or kindly visit he website http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/Thanks for reading

Hello,
My Name is Wendy Spencer.Am from NEW YORK CITY, I love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to Single…when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job…he told me he gonna help me…i don’t believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he’s busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday…My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she’s doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven’t seen anything yet… he said i will also get my job back in 2 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too,This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him on this e-mail;driayaryi2012@hotmail.com i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck his email; driayaryi2012@hotmail.com

My name is ADMAS ELLIA and i want to testify of the good work done by a
faithful man DR OFURE a spell caster in my life i never thought there is
such thing as spiritual intercession. my problem started 5 months back
when the father of my kids started putting up some strange behaviour, i
never knew he was having an affair outside our matrimonial home. it dawn
on me on that faithful day 4th of April 20st 2:23pm when he came to the
house to pick his things, that was when i knew that
situation has gotten out of hand and he then told me he want to quit
the marriage which i have built for over 6 years, i was confused and
dumbfounded i called on family’s and friends but to no avail. two months
after i started having problem with my kids welfare, rent-age and all
of it, i really went through hair. until a day i was browsing on the
internet and i happen to meet DR OFRUE, i never believed on this but i
needed my man back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i
never trusted him so i was just doing it but you know a problem shared
is half solved after 2das my husband called me Telling me that he his
coming back home and that was all. now we are living happily as husband
and wife, i still can believe it just too real to be real it highly
unbelievable on this great joy for those of you that are going through
heart broke or any kind of problem i must tell you this great man has
the power to solve any problem hear is the great man
email:OFURELOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM or you call +2348149158514.

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OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 20TH OF JUNE 2014, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called DR OSAUYI on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not until DR OSAUYI did it for me and restored my marriage of 8 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don’t know how much to convey my appreciation to you DR OSAUYI you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his website: Email:(OSAUYILOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM) Mrs Miller Moore from England City.http://osauyilovespell.webs.com

I have been in great bondage for about 4 years
suffering in the hands of a cheating husband. We were living happily
until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her again
outside our marriage and before i knew it he stopped caring for his own
family, to the extent that he was planning to marry her and divorce me. I
cried and reported him to his family members but he never listened to
anyone and to cut the story short, i came in search for a real spell
caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me
and our 2 kids again; on my search i saw people sharing testimony on
how their marriage was restored by Dr. Eze Malaka and i pick his email
and told him the problem that i was going through, and he agreed to help
me and told me never to worry. After he had finished casting the spell,
on the second day, they both had a quarrel and he beat up his
girlfriend and he came back home begging me to forgive him that his eyes
are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family
again and promise to be a caring father and never to cheat on me again.
I am so happy that i did not lose him to the girl and all appreciation
goes to Dr. Eze Malaka for his great work. You are a Great spell caster
and to you all that are faced with this or similar problem to this,
please contact him now on extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com

Dr. Telemi is a trust worthy spell caster and he will
be of great help to you. I never believed in spell casting but After 4
years of marriage my husband left me because I lost my womb, and i was
unable to give birth to children. I felt like my life has come to an
end, and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very
long time, but thanks to this spell caster called Dr. Telemi whom i met
online after my friend Tracy James told me how he also helped her to
bring back her husband in less than 2 days. I believed her and decided
to give Dr. Telemi a try and i contacted him on his email Telemisolutiontemple@yahoo.com
and explained my problems to him. He laughed and told me that In less
than 2 days, my Husband will come back for me again, and that he will
restore my womb and i will give birth to children. At first i thought it
was a lie but i took courage and believed as Dr. Telemi has said and it
did happen just as this Great spell caster said, My husband called me
and was crying, apologizing for forgiveness. I forgave him and today i
am so glad that all worries and problems has gone away, and we are even
happier than before, another good news is that i am pregnant now, and
very soon we are expecting our baby. Dr. Telemi is really a gifted and a
powerful spiritual man and i will not stop publishing him because he is
a wonderful man. I advice you all If you have a problem and you are
looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems
just Contact Dr Telemi on his email on Telemisolutiontemple@yahoo.com
at anytime, because he will always help you to solve all your problems.
Once again thank you Dr. Telemi. Thank you, thank you.

Dr. Telemi is a trust worthy spell caster and he will
be of great help to you. I never believed in spell casting but After 4
years of marriage my husband left me because I lost my womb, and i was
unable to give birth to children. I felt like my life has come to an
end, and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very
long time, but thanks to this spell caster called Dr. Telemi whom i met
online after my friend Tracy James told me how he also helped her to
bring back her husband in less than 2 days. I believed her and decided
to give Dr. Telemi a try and i contacted him on his email Telemisolutiontemple@yahoo.com
and explained my problems to him. He laughed and told me that In less
than 2 days, my Husband will come back for me again, and that he will
restore my womb and i will give birth to children. At first i thought it
was a lie but i took courage and believed as Dr. Telemi has said and it
did happen just as this Great spell caster said, My husband called me
and was crying, apologizing for forgiveness. I forgave him and today i
am so glad that all worries and problems has gone away, and we are even
happier than before, another good news is that i am pregnant now, and
very soon we are expecting our baby. Dr. Telemi is really a gifted and a
powerful spiritual man and i will not stop publishing him because he is
a wonderful man. I advice you all If you have a problem and you are
looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems
just Contact Dr Telemi on his email on Telemisolutiontemple@yahoo.com
at anytime, because he will always help you to solve all your problems.
Once again thank you Dr. Telemi. Thank you, thank you………………………………………………………………….

I have been in great bondage for about 4 years
suffering in the hands of a cheating husband. We were living happily
until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her again
outside our marriage and before i knew it he stopped caring for his own
family, to the extent that he was planning to marry her and divorce me. I
cried and reported him to his family members but he never listened to
anyone and to cut the story short, i came in search for a real spell
caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me
and our 2 kids again; on my search i saw people sharing testimony on
how their marriage was restored by Dr. Eze Malaka and i pick his email
and told him the problem that i was going through, and he agreed to help
me and told me never to worry. After he had finished casting the spell,
on the second day, they both had a quarrel and he beat up his
girlfriend and he came back home begging me to forgive him that his eyes
are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family
again and promise to be a caring father and never to cheat on me again.
I am so happy that i did not lose him to the girl and all appreciation
goes to Dr. Eze Malaka for his great work. You are a Great spell caster
and to you all that are faced with this or similar problem to this,
please contact him now on extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com

I am David Eric,I want to say thank to dr.trust for everything he did in my life. To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one like you at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read so many testimonials of dr.tust how he help people to get back their ex lover. dr.tust answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my ex girlfriend back. i email dr.trust and tell him everything.he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the one that was to get her back to me and stay with me and to marry me.As soon as he finish the spells, my girlfriend came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful to him, that is why i am sharing this testimony to those who need his help. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what dr.trust said would happen. I’m very happy for the love spell dr.trust have done for me, my ex girlfriend is now back to me and we are living so happy. if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! contact is email address (ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com tell +2348156885231) his website: http://ultimatespellcast-net.webs.com.

My husband was in a relationship with another woman, until i found out from priest omigodo a great spell caster who told me that the woman cast a spell on my husband to get him. so he advise me to do an unlocking spell which i did after just 2days my husband came back home and he apologies for his action he is now the kind of man i want him to be he is more lovely now. if you are in need of help call or email priest omigodo on +2348079367204

After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with
me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I
wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him
with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem
to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell
caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the
type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I
meant a spell caster called EZE MALAKA and I email him, and he told me
there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days,
that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and
surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I
was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so
sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him,
that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how
we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made
promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be
of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and
powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is
different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help
of the spell caster, his email: extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com
you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or
anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS WEBSITE ADDRESS is http://extremewhitelovespell.webs.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

I have been in bondage ever since my ex leaves ME for another man,It was really hell for me and everybody told me to forget about her but i could not because i love her so much. Things get worse until my friend introduced me to this great spell Therapist ONIHA and i contacted him through his email winexbackspell@gmail.com i explain everything to him and he cast a spell for me immediately after four days, everything turn around and my love come to me on her knee begging for forgiveness that i am the one and only man in her life now. I was surprise i have never seen such a miracle in my life. I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com is the greatest.